Chris Martin has finally done it. As “creative curator” of Fifa’s spectacularly toe-curling half time World Cup final show he has ascended to a higher universe of naff. Cheesy, tepid, annoying – Martin’s answer to the Super Bowl half-time somehow squeezed a decade worth of Coldplay albums into 11 maddening minutes.
World Cups are all about going above and beyond in pursuit of greatness so you have to credit Fifa for outdoing itself with the controversial show it had seen fit to crowbar into the 2026 competition. Here was a symphony of crassness, a masterclass in overkill, a reminder why Martin really needs to go back to writing songs rather than trying to be a super-powered Blue Peter presenter bestriding the entirety of the planet.
Talk about scuffing your shot. Even more than the weeks of cynical fake water-breaks or those obligatory mid-game images of Fifa supremo Gianni Infantino in his corporate box, the opening few minutes of the controversial mid-game performance perfectly epitomised everything that has been tasteless and overblown about this latest’s edition of the world’s biggest sporting competition. As support artists Lionel Messi and Lamine Yamal – not a single number one between them – trotted off to their dressing rooms, the cameras swooped down the tunnel to where Madonna was waiting, along with her chauffeurs for the evening, Brazil icons Ronaldo and Ronaldinho.
A pop star singing while two of the greatest players of their generation served as glorified hired help was the perfect metaphor for what the World Cup had become under Infantino – and with the blessing of his bestie Donald Trump, watching on from the stands at the New York-New Jersey decider. To be fair to Madonna, her song “Music” was a bopper – as were turns by Shakira and BTS. But the 11-minute performance, curated by Martin and organised by Live Nation (the people to thank for your concert tickets doubling in price in the last 10 years), was nonetheless a grandiose flub – one that spoke perfectly to the soulless spectacle that Fifa seems determined to reduce football to.
Chris Martin with child singers and Muppets during the show (Photo: Fifa)Among those who had criticised the idea for a half-time show was Robert Smith, Queens Park Rangers supporter and lead singer with The Cure. On Instagram, he had pithily beseeched Fifa to “#pleasejustf**koff”, and it was hard to disagree as this Chris Martin’s rubbish cover version of the Super Bowl show listlessly cranked through the gears.
Smith had described the mini-concert as a bread-and-circus. In fact, it was something worse: a big messy splurge of American razzmatazz catapulted into an event that had no need of imported glitz. Super Bowl half-time shows works because American Football is already an over-the-top sport – it is cheesy and ridiculous and, thus, perfect for the sort of Hollywood overkill that Chris Martin saw fit to unleash on World Cup viewers.
Just 11 minutes? It felt longer than the 45 that had preceded it. No sooner had Madonna and her drivers whizzed off than Jim Henson’s Muppets were careening through Jack White’s accidental terrace anthem “Seven Nation Army”. Then came BTS, who at least seemed to understand that their job was to get through their slot while causing the audience as little pain as possible.
Could it get any worse? Hold my giant gold trophy, declared Jason Sudeikis, who “hilariously” reprised his Ted Lasso character to announce Justin Bieber as a substitute, before Shakira and Burna Boy arrived – followed by Chris Martin leading, as only he can, a day-glo choir of happy-looking children and puppets.
As the rare Englishman to step onto the pitch at a World Cup final, the Coldplay captain looked thrilled to be there – but the first half of the actual game (remember that?) was starting to feel as if it had concluded several weeks previously. And that was that – Fifa’s preposterous attempt to bring hype to the World Cup had gone off like so much coloured powder at the end of a fun run. On the BBC, noted music critic Wayne Rooney put it best. “I like a lot of the artists,” he said. “But I thought it was absolute crap.”
After they had finished driving Madonna around this sun-baked corner of industrial-estate New Jersey, top taxi drivers Ronaldinho and Ronaldo might well have agreed – though presumably not Chris Martin, who is on a mission to turn the entire world into one big jolly Coldplay song.
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