Holiday season is upon us, and with it a myriad of potential faux pas that can turn a week in paradise into hell on earth. “Group holidays have a funny way of magnifying people’s personalities,” says consultant psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley. “Things you’d barely notice at home can suddenly become much more noticeable when you’re sharing space, making constant decisions and spending days together.”
Rooming with people you usually don’t spend extended time in close quarters with is bound to create wrinkles, and the cumulative effect can take its toll, Goddard-Crawley adds. “It’s usually not one big argument that causes problems. It’s more the build-up of lots of little moments.”
How can you avoid becoming a group holiday pariah this summer? Here are the key mistakes to avoid:
Endless WhatsApps
Oh good, another group WhatsApp chain to torch your phone battery and test the limits of your patience before you’ve even boarded the plane. Beyond the key logistics and a few messages sharing excitement about impending volumes of margaritas to be consumed, there’s no need to set up a running commentary before your trip begins. Nor, once you’ve made it to your destination, to use it as a vehicle for passive-aggressive conversations you wouldn’t have in person. No matter how many emojis you use, comments about the state of the sink, fridge or bathroom do not need to be digitised.
“Group chats can become surprisingly exhausting because everyone feels they need to respond. It’s fine to dip in and out, and sometimes fewer messages create less opportunity for misunderstandings,” says Goddard-Crawley.
Arguing about money
It seemed so generous when your mate offered to put dinner for 12 on his card. Until it transpired that he was only doing it to rack up Amex points, and had in fact sent a Splitwise link the second you returned home. Add one pal now being teetotal (therefore insisting that any booze got taken off her bill), another’s Ozempic diet meaning she barely ate, a third eschewing any excursions because “they’re too expensive” and the person still fuming six months later about being stuck in the only room in the villa with a single bed, and splitting things can be a minefield.
“Money is rarely just about money – it’s about fairness,” says Goddard-Crawley. “If people have different budgets or spending habits, agreeing how costs will be shared before the holiday is much easier than trying to work it out over dinner.”
Always being late
There’s always one. One friend (or couple, usually because the partner has been dragged into tardiness by association) who cannot stick to an arrangement for love nor money. Yes, we’re on holiday time, but getting a group into a restaurant during peak holiday season is no joke, and we don’t fancy loitering by the non-air conditioned entryway for half an hour while staff “check” (always unsuccessfully) for another table because you’ve missed your slot.
“It’s rarely just about the time itself,” Goddard-Crawley says of why this can be so frustrating. “Over a few days it can start to feel as though one person’s time is more important than everyone else’s, and that’s where resentment can creep in.”
Not giving others (or yourself) space
“Even if you’re really close, being together almost 24 hours a day is quite intense. Having an hour to yourself for a walk or a coffee isn’t a rejection of the group,” says Goddard-Crawley. “It probably helps people come back feeling more patient and more connected. People don’t have to do everything together all the time.”
A self-appointed leader
Steering the ship a little is fine – a chorus of “I don’t mind!” to the question of where to eat each night isn’t much use. But one person anointing themselves as leader of the pack is unlikely to go down well, says Goddard-Crawley, essentially making “people feel like passengers rather than part of the holiday. Most of us like to feel we’ve had some choice.”
Going on totally different holidays
“People often assume everyone wants the same sort of holiday, and that’s where disappointment starts,” according to Goddard-Crawley. Hence why one mate’s in her gym gear at 5am; another is sleeping off last night’s hangover until midday, and a third is agitating about a new exhibition she wants to catch in the city centre. All fine, but not conducive to a group holiday in which nobody’s actually had a conversation about the kind of trip they want to have. Talk it out first.
Running commentary
Oh, you hate the apartment, the view, and where we ate for dinner last night? If only you’d contributed… anything at all to the booking of the trip, these issues might have been avoided.
Unless you’ve actually helped to get things off the ground – not easy when navigating logistics for a group of full-time workers, many of whom have families and numerous other timetable-restricting hoops to jump through – your opinions are unwelcome. Pitch in or drop it.
Inviting the whole family – so they’ll look after your kids
It’s the first time you’ve attempted an intergenerational holiday, with three different age groups set to create core memories walking the Walls of Dubrovnik, and swimming in the city’s turquoise waters. But while Nana spent weeks in the lead-up bragging to friends about how this holiday signals the closeness of your family, what she hadn’t realised is that she was actually being enlisted as the purveyor of a creche while her daughter goes on a romantic holiday with her husband. “Grandparents may be happy to help, but they probably don’t want to discover they’re on a childcare holiday,” Goddard-Crawley says. “Having that conversation before you travel can prevent a lot of resentment” – and a babysitting bill when you get home.
Opting out of chores
Disappearing after dinner before the dishes get done; not doing the supermarket run, leaving mess everywhere… this does nothing for group morale, and will only raise hackles as time goes on. A rota pinned to the fridge is clearly a bridge too far, but failing to play a part in what is a team game is no good, either. Grab a tea towel, or face permanent excommunication from the group.
Letting the kids run wild
Buying huge ice creams before a special dinner, iPads at every meal – relaxing the rules while away is one thing, but wiring a load of pre-teens to be extra feral, thereby ruining things for the adults, is a no-no. Nobody (let alone the restaurant staff) wants kids running around the taverna; having a brutal sugar crash at 7pm, and screaming into their spanakopita.
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