As a psychologist, I strongly believe in the effectiveness of mental health services. However, while psychotherapy works, the most important part of treatment happens after you leave the therapist's office.
I reached out to Steve Martino, a professor at Yale who conducts research on Motivational Interviewing, an evidence-based approach to enhance individuals’ motivation for change. “Staying committed to daily therapeutic practices in between therapy sessions can be challenging,” he told me. “Revisiting our reasons for change, setting simple achievable daily goals and plans to reach them, and recognizing progress made each day can help keep us motivated.”
Many of us don’t have time or attention to read a book. So, one way to engage in this on our own (or with the support of friends, family members, communities) is to identify and set goals, create a wellness plan, and healthily motivate ourselves to take steps towards those daily.
Think of this phrase as a kind of positive fuel to help you get up and get through hard days.
“Great,” I replied, “Do you have a girlfriend?”
When we are feeling depressed, anxious, and super stressed, we often have a tough time clearly seeing our skills, assets, strengths, and capabilities. This is also indispensable to our confidence-building. If you don’t know your strengths or are unable to see them, you can work with a therapist or a friend to identify and develop your strengths. As I tell my patients, “You have strengths, or you wouldn’t be in my office.”
A lot of the people I work with, myself included, can get stirred up by their newsfeeds. It’s easy to fall into the traps of hyperarousal and doomscrolling. It draws us in like moths to light, and we tend to go deeper and stay in that jacked-up state. This is harmful to our brains, spirits, and bodies. I am not suggesting we don’t stay informed, active, and engaged in our world, and help to make it a better place. But if all we choose to take in is doom and gloom, that’s all we are going to get. And that won’t make us helpful to ourselves or others.
Interestingly, I recently took my own advice. My husband and I had a couple in their 80s over for dinner. The husband served in Vietnam and is one of the most balanced and brilliant individuals I know. He handed me a book, The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and The Art of Living, and told me to read a page every day.
Healing often starts with therapy. But it is only possible when the lessons of therapy, like goal setting, motivation, and safe coping, actually become part of your daily life.
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