Growing up, I always wanted to be a young mum; have my first baby by 25 and another by 30. Now that age is creeping up on me, and I couldn’t be further from achieving those dreams.
I’m 23, my boyfriend is 26, and having a child is the last thing on our minds. Even though we own our own home – a sign we are at least somewhat financially stable – there’s little disposable income left over each month to cater for the costs of raising a child, especially if one of us were to give up work to do any type of childcare.
And yet every few months, Britain rediscovers its falling birth rate and asks the same question: why aren’t young people having children?
The latest figures to reignite the debate come from the Office for National Statistics this week, which projects that the youngest Gen Zers – those born in 2007 (I was born in 2002) – will not reach an average of one child until the age of 35. In contrast, women born in 1951 reached that parenting milestone by age 26.
The fact that young adults are having fewer children, or none at all, has become a topic of public discussion. But the reason behind it is quite simple: the traditional milestones that tend to come before children (relationship, house, maybe marriage) have become increasingly unattainable.
According to the English Housing Survey, the average first-time buyer is now 34, compared with 29 in the mid-1990s. For many young adults, home ownership isn’t even the goal anymore; it’s just moving out of their childhood homes. Nearly half of 25-year-olds still live with their parents.
Simply renting a flat while retaining any disposable income is a challenge. Recent data shows that people under 30 are spending more than 30 per cent of their income on rent alone. The average salary for Gen Z ranges from £19,300 to £33,969 – assuming graduates can even find work in a difficult job market. Meanwhile, the average monthly rent in the UK has climbed to £1,381, and more than £2,100 in London. It’s difficult to plan for a baby when you don’t know whether your landlord will raise your rent and price you out of your home.
Earlier this year, we got a call from our friends who are expecting their first baby together at the age of 27. Although we are all excited to welcome their child in September, they are anxious about how they are going to make this new chapter work at this age.
Waiting until our mid-thirties to have children isn’t a choice we’re making because we’re lazy or selfish, as is sometimes pointed out. (I’ve been told I couldn’t handle children by my parents’ generation when I tell them I have no plans to have them anytime soon.)
Most of us spent our late teens and early twenties navigating a pandemic. Since then, there have been stagnant wages, a competitive job market and soaring inflation. Then, infuriatingly, older generations are shocked when we choose to postpone parenthood. People have children when they feel secure, can see a future and have stability. That doesn’t exist for most young adults.
Yet at the same time, we’re being lectured about fertility windows and biological clocks. Billionaire Elon Musk, a father of 14 children, has repeatedly warned that “low birth rates will end civilisation” and across the world, concerns of an ageing population have become a source of anxiety and panic.
But I’m not sure why anyone is surprised. Britain has created a system where the financial penalties associated with having children are enormous. According to data from MoneyFarm, the average cost of raising a child is almost £14,000 a year. Even if Gen Z can afford homes, childcare costs rival a second mortgage.
These huge numbers are too much to even consider children. We both have salaries above average, and live in the North of England, where the cost of living is cheaper than is most other parts of the UK. My boyfriend has multiple emergency funds but I stress about our finances most days, and that’s without having a small human relying on our incomes.
I have a spreadsheet full of my outgoings that I reluctantly increase every month when I realise the prices are increasing, even without us splurging on any luxuries.
Compare that with influencer Molly-Mae Hague, 27, who has just welcomed her second child. Reports say that she gave birth in a £30,000 private hospital suite in Portland Hospital in London while she and partner Tommy Fury continue renovating their £4m Cheshire mansion. The divide between wealthy young parents like them and everyone else is stark.
The difference isn’t that the Love Island couple wanted children more than others their age; they just have the financial security to provide for them without the worry of rent increases and childcare bills. For millions of young adults, finances dominate the conversation. This hum of money anxiety makes children feel like an increasingly far-off prospect.
Most of my friends, aged between 22 and 30, aren’t even close to having children. My best friend, aged 24, always dreamt of having children by now. She has settled for the cheaper option of a puppy with her fiancé. Another, aged 29, wants to have a child with his girlfriend as soon as he’s bought a home, yet neither of them has leftover money to save for a deposit after their rent is paid.
The question shouldn’t be: why is Gen Z waiting to become parents? It should be: why has financial independence become so difficult? If moving out of our parents’ homes wasn’t so painstaking, we might be surprised by how many young people start thinking about starting a family long before 35.
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