River Forest mom Gabriela Matos wants other parents to know the signs of bullying after she says her 8-year-old child started struggling at school at St. Vincent Ferrer.
“If there’s something going on in your child’s school or your child is acting strange, pick up on those cues, listen to them, dig deeper,” Matos said. “You got to listen to your mom gut.”
Matos said the bullying incidents started in October and continued into the spring.
“He just had so much light to him, and this year completely broke him down,” she said. “I’ve never seen my kid in such a bad state of mind from all of this happening this past year.”
In one incident, Matos said a classmate told her child to “come fight” in the middle of the classroom. She said she only found out about the verbal altercation when her son told her about it and felt the school should have notified her of the incident.
The school told her they would not discuss the private disciplinary actions they took but did offer for her child to speak with a school counselor.
She shared several email chains with NBC Chicago, detailing her concerns with the school principal and teachers.
In one email this past January, the school principal told Matos they were taking student safety and emotional well-being seriously.
“I understand your concerns related to the recent incident and I have spoken to [the teachers] regarding this incident. The following measures have been in place, which include: alerting all teachers and monitors who work with this grade that there is to be increased supervision and minimized interaction between the two students, they are not to be in any group work or seated near each other in class. We will remain attentive and responsive and will adjust measures in place as needed to ensure a safe and positive school environment.”
Matos said those procedures only led to her child’s isolation, declining grades and declining mental health.
She said the bullying continued, leading her to post publicly on social media about the incident.
“I went to social media that Friday, I collected my thoughts, thought about what I was going to say, and I just spoke about what happened,” she said.
She also spoke out at a school meeting.
The Archdiocese sent her a letter, banning her from school grounds. The school also sent her a letter ending her child’s school year early, citing her “concerning behavior.”
NBC Chicago reached out to the school and Archdiocese to ask for more information regarding the situation.
The Archdiocese responded, stating, “The safety and well-being of our students, families, staff and school communities remain our highest priority. We do not discuss specific student or family matters publicly.”
They said the principal followed school protocol in this situation.
“I just hope they can start looking at the bigger picture of things,” Matos said. “If a parent is speaking out continuously, listen to them. Don’t just try to make all parties happy.”
NBC Chicago spoke with Mental Health of America Illinois’ Joseph E. Troiani, Ph.D., about the dangers of bullying, the warning signs and what parents should do if their child is experiencing it.
“We know that bullying is not a one-time type of behavior,” Troiani said. “This is something that often is repeated.”
Troiani said social isolation, grade decline, evolving mental health and problems with anxiety and depression are all signs a child might be a victim of bullying.
“It’s really important for a parent to know what’s going on,” he said. “A child will become withdrawn, isolated, they won’t talk about what is going on, they appear to be in distress, they might spend a lot more time alone. The level of interaction with family members might in fact decrease.”
He says to keep the following in mind:
· Never tell the child to ignore the bullying.
· Don’t blame your child even if they provoked the bullying. No one deserves to be bullied.
· Do not tell your child to physically fight back. It could get them hurt, suspended or expelled from school.
· Don’t contact the other parents involved. It may make matters worse. School or other officials can act as mediators between parents.
“Report this information to the school. But it has to be more than verbal. Bring documentation. … You want to get a collaborative relationship with the school and give them physical evidence in their hands they can’t ignore.”
In cases of cyberbullying, Troiani said to block and report accounts.
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