Should adult children pay their parents rent? In principle, yes. At the very least, some kind of financial contribution makes sense if they’re working. But it’s never that simple. The job market has only got harder and family circumstances vary enormously.
I left home in the year 2000 in my early twenties. We were never well off, so independence was always important to me. Going back home was never really an option, and I never relied on my parents to bail me out financially.
I always lived below my means and chose low-budget housing but, like a lot of people my age, I found that saving enough money to get on the property ladder was a goal that became further and further out of reach. Over a 20-year period I probably spent somewhere in the region of £100,000 on rent.
By 2021, I was in my forties, burnt out and painfully aware that I had very little to show for decades of paying into other people’s properties. The pandemic changed my priorities, too. I lost someone very important to me during that period, and I found myself wanting to be closer to the few people I really cared about.
Meanwhile, my parents – now in their seventies – were talking about relocating somewhere quieter. We all yearned for a rural setting that felt safe and peaceful, so pooling our resources and living together felt like a no-brainer.
After a lot of planning and research, my parents sold their small bungalow in Manchester and, using that money, were able to buy a larger house, outright, in west Ireland. I had some savings but it made more sense to reserve those as a financial buffer and to cover costs that came further down the line.
Between us, we have three modest incomes: my parents are on UK state pensions, and I work part-time and also run a YouTube channel. Obviously we have separate bank accounts, but really we think of it as one big pot of money.
So, do I pay my parents rent? No. There’s no rent or mortgage to pay. And I cannot overstate what a difference that makes to my overall peace of mind. We’re fairly informal in how we split the finances, which works because we’re all conscientious. For example, mum and dad tend to buy more groceries, so I take care of other bills and bigger spends around the house and garden. Everything balances out over time.
I know that’s an extraordinary privilege, and I feel lucky every day. But it’s worth saying: this wouldn’t suit everyone. Our lives are quite modest and my life is boring in the best possible way. This also means privacy isn’t the minefield you might expect – I’m not exactly hosting wild dinner parties.
Occasionally I’ll feel a flicker of longing to live alone but those moments are rare and usually pass quickly. What makes it work, more than anything, is that we genuinely like each other. We have similar values, a similar sense of humour and generally enjoy each other’s company. That counts for more than any financial arrangement.
Most importantly, we look after each other. My parents will need more help as they get older, and I don’t see that as a burden. I’m grateful for the time we have together and to return the care and support they’ve given me over the years.
I should also add that, as an only child, the inheritance issue is straightforward. These things obviously get more complicated when there are siblings involved, and resentment can form if one child is perceived as having a “free ride”.
It’s also worth considering that sometimes, not charging rent is the most practical thing a parent can do. Giving an adult child the opportunity to save and build some financial security could help them regain their independence sooner, and that benefits everyone in the long run.
So, should adult children pay their parents rent? It depends. Households run on more than money, and contribution comes in many forms. What matters is that nobody feels taken advantage of and that the arrangement feels mutually beneficial.
For some families, it’s about sharing responsibilities, companionship and care. In a world that feels increasingly unstable and unaffordable, living together and supporting each other can be worth more than money.
Perspectives
Should children pay their parents rent? Toni RowanAt 48 I still live with my parents – and I wouldn’t change a thing
Mark BreffitI’m an estate agent – this is when parents should charge their kids rent
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