My graduate son, who has a very expensive degree, as well as a Masters that he will be paying off for the rest of his life, has taken to doing free internship after free internship. He sometimes calls it work experience. I think he is now on his fourth or fifth. He’s become convinced that this is the way he will get a job as he’s networking and getting to be in the offices of companies he respects – I see it as free slave labour. I think he is a bit naive. I’ve told him he needs to get a paying job ASAP. It’s been nearly a year since he graduated. I don’t want to be unsupportive, but he’s honestly doing himself a disservice. How can I tell him to stop?
Andy
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Keren Blackmore is the founder of Leap of Thought and a team and leadership coach with over 20 years of experience in senior media roles. She partners with mid‐ to senior‐level leaders to strengthen their leadership impact, build confidence, and navigate their careers. Her coaching blends neuroscience, mental fitness practices, and energy management.
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Andy, I can tell that at the heart of what you’ve written is a genuine concern and worry for your son’s future and wellbeing, but I have a few reservations about your approach.
It’s true, the job market has never been more precarious. People are having to contend with a perfect storm of mass layoffs, economic uncertainty and the AI threat to entry-level jobs, and it’s even harder for graduates to get their foot in the door.
According to figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS), young jobseekers are being hit hardest, with 16.1 per cent of people aged 16 to 24 unable to find work, compared with a national unemployment rate of 5.1 per cent.
Weigh up the urgency of getting any ‘paid’ job
The first thing I want to address is the financial factor. It’s a very real and reasonable concern, especially if you’re supporting him. Does he have imminent bills or loans (aside from his staggered student loan)? If he is living at home, do you want him to contribute towards home expenses? If there’s an urgent need for him to go straight into a paid job, having a conversation about this sounds like a priority. Framing this thoughtfully is essential, though. Be clear that this would ease the financial burden, rather than sharing your views on his approach to developing his career.
But if this isn’t the case, and there is some financial breathing space, I’d urge you to open yourself up to a new way of thinking.
Tenacity pays off and will set you apart from other jobseekers
I want to acknowledge what a fantastic, bright, proactive, tenacious child you have! It’s not easy to create these kinds of opportunities. It takes effort, grit, energy, resilience, and hard work to achieve what he has achieved so far. These are all invaluable skills to succeed in today’s dynamic market.
While you may consider an internship as “free slave labour”, I’d invite you to consider the huge upsides: exposure to different workplaces, contacts, and learning opportunities. You learn a lot more about what you want and don’t want from experiencing it first-hand.
It seems he is more than fully aware of the kind of job market he is operating in, and he knows that work experience and networking are some of the only things that will set him apart from the thousands of other graduates holding the exact same degree.
Reframe these internships as something to be proud of. The fact that he’s researched, organised and been taken on by five companies that he admires tells me he will go far.
Internships are not just free work – they’re invaluable
The purpose of an internship is not primarily aimed at just getting young people to work for free or to do the jobs that no one else wants to do. More often than not, internships – paid and non-paid – are a way of bringing people into the business to give them exposure to the workplace.
A popular career philosophy is that, when you take a role, you should either earn or learn – a combination of the two is the ultimate jackpot. Think about how much your son has likely learned from working in five different environments in one year: how much he’s learned about the industries, but also about himself; how he reacts in times of stress or challenging situations; how he prioritises workloads, manages people’s expectations, relates to people outside of his age group; all things you can only learn “on the job”.
Something I hear a lot from the senior leaders is that younger generations find soft skills (or “human skills”, as I call them) more challenging. They have grown up in a digital-first era with much more prevalent home-working, so they have had less exposure to in-person office life, where you learn how to navigate different personalities and situations, and pick up on the nuances, like how to be in those moments before a meeting, for example.
Internships provide a diverse network
It is worth reiterating that the job market is challenging. There are huge numbers of wildly experienced professionals who are struggling to get a job right now. Something I always advise, as a career strategy, is to spend time meeting people who are in industries you are curious about. If you manage to land an internship, you are suddenly surrounded by people with whom you can connect and ask about their roles.
You’re much more likely to be recommended by people who’ve met you than via a standard application process. Being on the inside of an organisation also helps you see how things work, and you are more likely to hear about job openings before they are promoted.
One of the best ways to get a job is often through your network. Your son is exposing himself to a rich source of contacts that may well help him get a job now, or years into the future, either in their team or by recommending him.
According to research, as many as 39 per cent of UK workers found their job through their network, with up to 70 per cent of professionals hired having a prior connection at the company. Many people believe that a huge portion of job vacancies are never advertised publicly, so networking is invaluable.
Reframe the way you talk to your son
If you haven’t already, this is a great time to have a conversation about his internships, with curiosity and an open mind to hear about his experiences. What has he learned? What skills has he developed? Who has he met?
Resist the urge to judge him. Be open-minded and curious. Really challenge yourself to listen without interrupting him or sharing your view. Feeling heard and understood is the foundation for building trust in any relationship, even if you don’t agree.
Help your son maximise his opportunities
Rather than discourage him, gently steer him or give him advice to maximise his opportunities. An internship can be viewed as a month-long interview with a company.
Before going into his next internship, ask him to think about what his goals are for each one. Is it developing a specific skill? Is it having meetings with five people from different departments? Is it inviting someone senior out for a coffee to pick their brain about the company and the industry, asking them for introductions or to shadow them on a project?
You could suggest he connects with people from his internships on LinkedIn and drops them occasional notes. In this day and age, sending a handwritten note is a nice touch and a personal way of nurturing the relationship.
I would also advise him to ask the HR department about vacancies and how the hiring process works. Encourage him to be very upfront with the people that he’s exposed to – he should talk about his desire to grow and learn, possibly at that organisation – so that they put him at the front of mind.
Nurture your relationship – he needs support not judgement
I know it’s hard to predict, but with his tenaciousness, I honestly don’t see a way that he won’t be in employment in some shape or form in the next year or so.
Times have changed. Your experiences are your own and neither route is right or wrong. You might see it through the lens of people taking advantage of him. But I would invite you to be open to another perspective. Your support could do wonders for your child, his success, and your relationship with him.
You have a chance to be part of his success story and the opportunity to be his biggest supporter. Don’t tear him down, and don’t say something you’ll regret.
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