This Just In — If you’re serious about honoring Mom with something she really wants and deserves, stick with this list and follow your heart. I’m not going to bury the lede … the first is the most important.
Give her your heart. What this means to me, as a daughter and as a mother and grandmother, is the fine art of letting go. I found that in the weeks following my mother’s death, I was unable to think of any of the silly things that she did in her last years that annoyed me. I could only think of her hands warming my icy feet, her sewing dance recital costumes for my sister and me and her love of TV Westerns and Perry Mason. I let go of the irritations and I kept the warmth and joy of a mother who loved me. She gave me her heart and I hope that she knew that I gave her mine.
Be present. Showing up on the second Sunday in May is a good exercise, but when you do, leave your digital device in your pocket except to snap a couple of pictures. Cook together. Set the table. Tell stories and laugh at the jokes you’ve already heard. More importantly, don’t be a stranger. Make plans for Memorial Weekend.
Make sure you know how to cook Mom’s best meals if, in your family, Mom is the go-to cook. In my house, this is more likely a Dad thing as we’re all trying to crack the code on the secret to my husband’s cole slaw. Whichever way this shakes out, make it a family documentary project. Write it down, make a video. You’ll thank yourself later.
Ask your mom what her favorite songs are. She might surprise you and drop some heavy rock ‘n roll. These days my favorite are those songs that my grandkids sing in the car. They have voices like little angels and when they sing Josh Groban’s “You Raise Me Up” J-Ma has to pull over.
Do something to make Mom proud. The best Mother’s Day gift I ever delivered to my mom came in 1994 when I marched across the field at Kenan Stadium to graduate from UNC with the Bicentennial class. I finished my BA in Journalism in three years, attending college 15 years after graduating high school. I had two young kids and ailing in-laws at home and it was, it’s fair to say, A LOT. On that day, though, I was still very much a daughter in the way my classmates were — wide-eyed and hopeful.
Here in Chapel Hill, Mother’s Day is also Graduation Day, so restaurant space is in high demand. It’s always a time to grill at home and leave the restaurant tables for parents who are going to Commencement and cleaning out dorm rooms. They earned it.
My children have made clear to me that they understand the assignment. They’re kind, generous people. They’re good to each other. They know that they have my whole heart and I feel that I have theirs. So really, I’ve already had a Happy Mother’s Day, paid forward many times over.
Cards and well-wishes will still be accepted on Sunday, of course. If anyone (*cough*) wants to buy the popcorn at The Devil Wear Prada 2, I’ll accept that gesture. Happy Mother’s Day!
Jean Bolduc is a freelance writer and is the author of “African Americans of Durham & Orange Counties: An Oral History” (History Press, 2016) and has served on Orange County’s Human Relations Commission, The Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina, the Orange County Housing Authority Board of Commissioners, and the Orange County Schools’ Equity Task Force. She was a featured columnist and reporter for the Chapel Hill Herald and the News & Observer.
Readers can reach Jean via email – jean@penandinc.com and via Twitter @JeanBolduc
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