When I started university six years ago, I signed up to a student loan without questioning it.
I registered to get money to cover my tuition fees and living costs – taking the maximum I was eligible for – ticking a few boxes without much of a second thought.
As the deductions began to flitter off my salary last year, my student loan – once just a vague concept – turned into something more concrete.
But despite owing what is likely tens of thousands of pounds – back-of-the-envelope calculations suggest more than £90,000 – I’ve never actually checked the balance, and I don’t plan to.
Now that I’m earning enough to repay the loan as a journalist, it seems strange to not want to engage with the amount of money I owe, but there are several reasons why I’ve chosen not to look.
With interest rates 3 per cent above inflation from the first day of your course – a particularlyunfair clause of the contract – the balance grows quickly, faster than most of us couldrealistically pay down.
And in the nature of my industry, where salaries are modest and stability isn’t guaranteed, theoutcome feels predetermined – I’m unlikely to ever repay the full amount before it’s written off.
That knowledge fundamentally changes how I view the debt. It isn’t a clear sum, and neverhas been. It continues to grow beyond my control, and by viewing the extra salary deduction asa long-term condition of employment, it feels more manageable.
Besides, what would checking the number actually change?
It won’t help me pay it off faster, it won’t reduce the interest rate, and it won’t alter the fact that,in around 28 years – 30 years after I graduate – it will disappear regardless.
All knowing would do is make the weight of it more tangible, and I don’t see any benefit to that.Another reason I’ve avoided checking is because I don’t regret going to university. It gave meeverything I wanted – I studied a subject I loved, made friends for life, lived abroad and found acareer that genuinely excites me.
Those four years were the foundation to the life I currently lead and love.
Why would I spend my energy dwelling on the uncontrollable cost? Especially when, as a youngperson living in London, there are more immediate financial pressures to think about.
From rent and bills to rising transport costs, not to mention exercise and the cost of socialising,which adds up quicker than you can say pint, even if you are careful.
And I am careful. My friends and I know every 2-for-1 deal and £5 cocktail spot worth knowing,and I’ve been raised to never pay full price if I can avoid it. I also save a set, albeit small,amount each month – partly out of habit, and partly out of an awareness that my industry isn’tthe most secure.
I’m not ignoring my finances, I am managing them every day.
But my student loan sits outside of this day-to-day reality. It doesn’t influence how I budget weekon week, and it doesn’t change what I can realistically afford right now.
As a result, I have consciously decided not to let it take up unnecessary mental space.
For my generation, financial anxiety is already a constant background noise. With youthunemployment sitting at 16 per cent and an ongoing cost-of-living crisis, if there is somethingthat doesn’t need to be turned up louder – I’m content with blissful ignorance.
At the moment, not knowing feels like the more rational choice.
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