Carol Decker, 68, is the English singer and lead vocalist of T’Pau, whose late 1980s and early 1990s hits include China in Your Hand, Heart and Soul and Valentine. She was in a relationship with her T’Pau co-writer Ronnie Rogers for 12 years before their split in 1991, around the time the band first dissolved. In 1996, she began a relationship with restaurateur Richard Coates in 1996; they married and have two children, Scarlett, 28, and Dylan, 24. The family live in Henley-on-Thames. T’Pau reformed with Rogers in 2008 and returned this April with a new record, Be Wonderful.
Here, she tells us the moments that shaped who she is, from childhood isolation and pop stardom to breakdown, recovery, and a second act in love and music.
Growing up, ginger hair basically meant you were an outcast. My whole family are Scousers, and we moved to Wellington in Shropshire when I was seven. I talked [puts on a strong Liverpool accent] like that, and had bright orange hair, loads of freckles, NHS glasses, and a lazy eye. I’ll never forget standing by the teacher’s desk while she said: “Who wants to sit by Carol?” and nobody put their hand up. I felt like an outsider – and in some ways, I still do.
I wanted to be a tomboy because the boys had all the freedom – I saw the domestic role of my mother as an anchor. My mum was on antidepressants, which was typical for a housewife in the 1960s. My dad worked for Tesco and travelled all over the country, while she was stuck at home. I thought she was trapped and I didn’t want that, which is why I didn’t have children until I was 40.
I ended up at a school I didn’t really belong at. My family were incredibly proud that my brother and I both went to grammar school, coming from a working-class Liverpool background. But at Wellington High School for Girls, music and art were seen as “accomplishments” for a young lady, not a career. It wasn’t until I went to the Wakeman School of Art in Shrewsbury that I felt at home, surrounded by all these fantastically artistic, eclectic people. I was singing to myself in the art room when someone said: “I want to introduce you to my friend – he’s got a band.” That was my first band.
The first time I knew we’d made it was when we were on Top of the Pops, performing “Heart and Soul”. I’d grown up watching it, like everybody else. I just looked straight down the barrel of the camera and smiled so much for the rest of the day that my cheeks hurt.
I was devastated when I split with Ronnie. Our relationship lasted 12 years until – like Ross and Rachel – he decided he wanted a break. A lot unravelled but we were pushed through it. Now we’re the greatest of friends, so I consider myself lucky.
I took my first line of coke when I was 38. Everything had collapsed in a few years: Ronnie and I broke up, my father dropped dead of a heart attack, our record label dropped us and my career went down the toilet. I was drinking too much and started taking drugs because I wanted to bury it all. Eventually, I went to therapy to find practical strategies to look after myself. Then I met Richard and it all got better.
I picked up my husband in a pub. Ronnie and I were living in north London with a big Victorian boozer at the end of the street, full of old blokes smoking around a pool table, with stale cheese baps behind the bar. Then it became this really cool gastropub and attracted all the Primrose Hillbillies like Kate Moss. Richard owned a nearby restaurant and had come to sniff around. Six months later, I was pregnant, aged 40.
Richard is the perfect combination of machismo and gentle. He’s been in the army and was a rugby player, so very masculine, but he’s also the most wonderful, classically trained French chef – his homemade sourdough is to die for. Plus, he can iron his own shirts, thanks to the army.
We still fancy the pants off each other and have a healthy sex life. We’ve been together for 28 years, but you don’t want to end up as roommates. Your sex life ebbs and flows. It can be difficult for women after childbirth because our hormones are all over the place. We’ve had fallow periods, but we’ve come through them.
My kids still live at home because they can’t afford to rent where they grew up. When they talk about moving out, it fills me with horror – even though they are grown-up children who don’t do what you say. My daughter’s bedroom looks like a hobbit lives in there.
I toughed out the menopause without HRT because I was scared by all the breast cancer stories. Two of my cousins came off the pill after 25 years and went straight on to HRT, then both got breast cancer, which frightened me.
The menopause turned me into a basket case. I was quick to anger, quick to tears, night sweats and hot flushes. My family were freezing because I had the doors and windows open all the time. It affects everything – your skin, your hair, your confidence. I also developed an underactive thyroid, which is common in midlife women. I was fortunate enough to see a private gynaecologist to explore ways of increasing my oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone.
I’m not ready to retire. I don’t want to hang up my mic yet. I’ve had my ups and downs – massive success, then being completely dumped. T’Pau were thought of as a bit of a joke in the 90s. A lot of 80s bands didn’t fit into the 90s, once The Stone Roses arrived, and then Oasis and Blur. It was a completely different sound, so we were dropped by our record label after our third album. But by 2001, I was on my first 80s retro tour, back playing arenas and I haven’t stopped since.
T’Pau’s new album Be Wonderful is out 10 April
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