Here is a question for you: how bi is bi? I’m talking about bisexuality, which is defined by the LGBTQ+ charity Stonewall as “an umbrella term used to describe a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards more than one gender”. But what exactly does that mean? A lot of people assume this means a 50-50 romantic and/or sexual orientation towards more than one gender. That it is an even-steven sexuality. But sexuality is never quite as neat as that. In fact, if more recent thinking around sexual attraction is correct, then no one is totally straight or totally gay. We all exist on a very groovy, fluid spectrum. And if that’s true, are we all bisexual?
I know I am on dangerous ground here and I’m not trying to be facetious or disingenuous. Bisexual erasure is a very real issue, so is stigma, fetishisation and a general misunderstanding of what the term means, and Lord knows I don’t want to add to more of that, but seriously: how bi is bi? Where is the line? I’m asking because I’ve never been sure if I qualify. I look at representations of bisexuality on TV, in books, and the media, and just don’t see myself there, but nor do I see myself as exclusively straight. I feel as if I am standing outside the LGBTQ+ headquarters, asking the glitter bouncers if my name is on the list.
I usually describe myself as straight because I am mostly attracted to men and I’ve only ever been in heterosexual relationships; but I’m not strictly dickly either. Is there a word for that? You’re probably screaming, “Yes, Kate! The word is bisexual.” So why do I feel like such a fraud claiming the term for myself? Is sexuality imposter syndrome a thing?
This is probably due to my having internalised biphobic messages, which I am doing my best to unpick, but I also feel very apprehensive about identifying with a group that has suffered significant oppression on the basis of some drunk experimentation and a Gillian Anderson fixation. Which is why I’m asking where the line is.
I guess the answer to that is that there is no line. There is no test or quiz that will provide you with a comprehensive sexuality breakdown, but wouldn’t it make it all so much simpler if there was? “Kate, our results have determined that you are only seven per cent lesbian which does not currently meet our criteria of bisexuality. Please hand in your Birkenstocks and help yourself to a Tom Hardy calendar on the way out.”
The question of gradation is particularly pertinent to the bisexual community and frequently forms the basis of discrimination against them. As a society, we are far more comfortable with the binary of straight or gay and can often ignore the people in the middle or make assumptions that they are simply confused or lying about their own sexuality. The bisexual community can suffer double discrimination from both heterosexual and queer communities, and often report being made to feel excluded from both camps.
Then there is the issue of being pressured to “prove” their sexuality by engaging in sex acts or relationships with multiple genders. Certainly, one of the reasons I feel so resistant to identifying as bi is because I haven’t dated any women and don’t currently have any desire to do so. But sexuality isn’t about action, it’s about attraction, which brings us back to my original question of how attracted you need to be to different genders to comfortably embrace the label of “bi”. Is a little bit ok?
If I had to boil it down to percentages, I would say I am 90 per cent straight. Do I find women attractive? Of course I do. Do I fantasise about women? Who doesn’t? Have I had sex with more than one woman?… Ok, so maybe it’s more like 80 per cent straight, 75 if I’ve had a few ales.
Joking aside, my hesitancy and confusion speak to another form of bi erasure, the assumption that being bisexual means being equally attracted to all genders at all times and that’s just not true. I recently came across bisexual advocate Robyn Ochs’ popular definition of bisexuality which really opened up the discussion for me. Ochs defines bisexuality as “the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree”.
That is a definition that encompasses considerably more experiences, and doubtless more people, than simply saying bisexuality is an attraction to more than one gender. If that is the working definition, I would feel more comfortable including myself, but I still feel very reluctant to do so. Never mind society erasing bisexuality, I am erasing myself. I wonder just how many other people are out there doing exactly the same thing.
Such a position will doubtless feel very frustrating to the fully signed up members of the LGBTQ+ community, but I know I won’t be the only one feeling such confusion, and it’s for those people that I am writing this. And these feelings can be intensely confusing. Did I really fancy both Ross and Rachel, or did I just like her hair… and her face, and the way she moves when she’s wearing a sweater? Upon reflection, maybe we are working with more of a 70/30 split here.
Perhaps you’re like me and have long thought of yourself as “mostly straight”, or maybe you have had some same sex experiences but chalked it up to youth, alcohol, or experimentation. Maybe you have had bisexual crushes or fantasise a lot about bisexual sex? All of that can be comfortably brought under the bisexual umbrella once you get onboard with the idea that it doesn’t mean being equally attracted to all genders. If this is you, then perhaps we just need to be brave and accept that this likely means we are indeed bisexual and our name has always been on that list.
Hence then, the article about i m mostly straight but how bi do you have to be bisexual was published today ( ) and is available on inews ( Middle East ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( I’m mostly straight – but how bi do you have to be bisexual? )
Also on site :
- Physicists just witnessed pinpricks of darkness moving faster than the speed of light — without breaking the laws of relativity
- China has so far weathered the historic oil crisis. But as Xi prepares to meet Trump, costs are starting to grow
- 1967 Classic Rock Anthem Ranked Among the ‘Greatest Songs of All Time’—‘One of the Most Beautiful Songs Ever Written’