You’ve got a promotion in your sights, and you’re doing everything in your power to make it happen. You’ve taken on extra work and training, are speaking up more in meetings and sharing new ideas in a bid to be seen as someone who deserves responsibility, recognition, and, of course, rewards.
But there’s one thing you haven’t factored in – the tricky colleagues that are scuppering your grand plans. Your personalities are at odds and they’re just not on the same page, leaving your ability to excel in jeopardy.
Clashing with colleagues happens more often than you think. According to the Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service, or Acas, 44 per cent of working-age adults in the UK experienced conflict at work last year. Issues to do with capability and performance, plus personal disagreements and relationship issues, are at the top of the list of reasons, highlighting how butting heads at work can escalate into something more serious.
The impact is not only stress, anxiety and depression, as an Acas survey shows, but a drop in motivation and commitment, and productivity too.
Learning how to handle even the most challenging colleagues is essential if you want to go far. Here, our careers experts outline the types of colleagues that can give you the most grief – and how to tackle them.
The Passive-Aggressive Operator
As the creator of viral social media icon “Linda the Bad Manager”, famed for her “do as I say, not as I do” approach, leadership coach Kate Waterfall Hill practically invented The Passive-Aggressive Operator.
This is the colleague who sounds supportive on the surface but manages to undermine you in the same breath, with loaded comments like, “That’s almost right, but don’t worry, I’ll fix it”. You’re left second-guessing yourself, while they maintain the appearance of being helpful, which can gradually chip away at your confidence and credibility, Waterfall Hill warns.
Leadership coach Kate Waterfall Hill knows the passive-aggressive operator all too well (Photo: Vicki Knights)“Because the comments are subtle and often dressed up as ‘help’, it’s easy to second-guess yourself rather than addressing it. Over time, you may find your ideas get less airtime and your authority is diluted,” she explains.
It’s important to take back control, calmly. Waterfall Hill suggests approaching them directly, saying something like, “I noticed in the meeting last week that you told everyone that you’d sort out the report for me – I was happy to refine it myself, so can we talk about whose responsibility the report is for future reference?”
“It’s about naming the behaviour without getting drawn into the tone. I’ve worked with plenty of people who tolerate this for far too long, and the shift comes when they stop brushing it off and address it early,” says Waterfall Hill.
The Corporate Narcissist
Fellow leadership coach Laura Ogilvie-Jones has encountered enough of these types in her time – people who dominate meetings, constantly interrupt and are always pushing their agenda. It can make it harder for others to be heard, especially those with strong ideas who don’t naturally shout the loudest – causing people to hold back.
“I worked with someone who would dominate conversations and cut people off, which made it really difficult for anyone else to contribute. Over time, it became quite demoralising and I felt unheard and undermined. It definitely made me think, ‘what’s the point in saying anything?,’” Ogilvie-Jones recalls.
Laura Ogilvie-Jones has encountered countless corporate narcissists and says it’s important to claim space (Photo: Andrea Thomson)Her advice? Nip it in the bud, with a simple statement like, “Can I just finish my point?” If that doesn’t work, talking to a manager about implementing clearer meeting structures where everyone has space to contribute can make a big difference, Ogilvie-Jones believes.
Waterfall Hill adds that the corporate narcissist is particularly toxic because of the shadow they can cast on your own visibility, potentially affecting how you’re perceived and limiting the opportunities you’re given. She encourages people to be more intentional about claiming their own space in meetings, using phrases like, “I’d like to share my thoughts on this”.
Another way to avoid corporate narcissists taking all the air-time is by establishing a code word for meetings, which anyone can say if they feel the conversation is being derailed. “My favourite code word is ‘armadillo’. It’s so unexpected in an organisational setting that most people smile rather than being offended that you cut them off,” says Waterfall Hill.
The Mood Hoover
They focus on what won’t work, what’s risky or what’s gone wrong. While they think they’re being pragmatic, that constant negativity can drain energy and put a dampener on motivation. People end up filtering their own ideas, self-consciously discarding them before they even voice them. Over time, that affects confidence and progress, warns Ogilvie-Jones, who has had the displeasure of working with a mood hoover before.
“I used to work with someone who consistently focused on what wouldn’t work. Any idea was met with reasons it might fail or go wrong. After a while, I found myself hesitating to share ideas at all, especially more creative or ‘outside the box’ ones, because I expected them to be shut down,” she says.
To deal with a mood hoover, Ogilvie-Jones advises that you should get really clear on what you need from a conversation with them. For example, “I’m just looking to explore ideas at this stage, not what might go wrong”. It can also help to think about whose opinion you want to listen to, as not everyone needs to have the same influence on decisions you make, she adds.
Again, a mood hoover’s behaviour can ruin your reputation, too, warns Liz Elton, who’s a workplace psychologist, behaviour change expert and executive coach. Their tendency to overthink and to aim for perfection can delay decisions, so if you and your team lose momentum as a result, you personally might also be seen as indecisive – not a good trait for career progression.
“Get them on board early by giving them time to process information before you get to a decision or presentation. Make sure you’re really clear about what the objective is and their role in achieving it, so they don’t go down rabbit holes,” Elton recommends.
The Defensive One
This is the person you’re always worried about upsetting. They struggle with feedback, react defensively and avoid accountability. It often means others walk on eggshells, which holds back honest conversations and progress, according to Ogilvie-Jones, who’s experienced these too.
“A client I worked with had a colleague who would always react defensively, sometimes behaving in ways that felt more like a school playground than a professional environment. There were also instances of talking about others behind their backs or escalating things unnecessarily to senior leaders,” she says. “This made it very difficult to build trust and delegate work confidently. The emotional unpredictability meant others were constantly second-guessing how to approach them.”
In the presence of defensive ones, conversations become more guarded, things don’t get said and everything feels harder than it needs to, Ogilvie-Jones relays – putting extra pressure on everyone else to manage the situation.
“I usually advise clients to focus on clear boundaries and keep communication calm, factual and non-emotional. You can’t control their behaviour, but you can control how you respond,” she says. “Where possible, bringing things back to shared goals or agreed ways of working can help, and in some cases, it does need to be escalated if it’s affecting team performance.”
Across all four toxic colleague types, the common thread that Waterfall Hill observes is that the behaviours only continue if they go unaddressed.
“You don’t need to be confrontational – but you do need to be clear,” she says.
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