Kate Rowe-Ham is a leading women’s health coach, menopause fitness specialist and the bestselling author of Owning Your Menopause: Fitter, Calmer, Stronger in 30 Days.
For our weekly series Life Lessons, she shares her own daily habits that are informed by her research and experience in the field.
High-intensity training caused more stress than benefit
I came to all of this quite late – I didn’t qualify as a personal trainer until I was 40 and my third child was quite young. It was then that I realised the high-intensity training and running I was doing incessantly was probably putting more of a stress on my body than helping me. So I started doing research and explored lifting weights. That led me to progressive overload where over a session you increase the weights and drop the number of reps.
With progressive overload I really noticed that my mood, my sleep and my energy all improved, but on top of that my body completely changed shape. I went through a period where I put on weight (or at least it felt like I did) as my metabolism changed through menopause. But because of the way I was training, it made me feel good about that.
I strength train as often as possible – even on the day my dad died
I have to move every day because I have ADHD, so I’m like a dog – if I don’t get outside and get rid of some of that energy with movement, my days feel quite chaotic.
Four years ago, my dad was very sadly diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and I had to step up and look after him. In the last three weeks of his life, I moved in and still made sure to get some movement in. The weights I was lifting were challenging enough that all I could think about was the movement – your mind can’t think about the thing that might be pulling you down. Even on the morning my dad died, I did 15 minutes of weights – and every time I did, I wasn’t thinking about “is it going to be today? Is this the day?”
It gave me the energy and focused mind to go back in the room and sit with my dad and be present. I could be the kind of person I wanted him to see at the end of his days, able to chat and bring a bit of energy into the room, which I think would have been really nice for him.
I was sceptical about breathwork – but now I love it
I love being outside and I will go for a walk every day – that’s a non-negotiable. I also love doing cold water immersion. When my dad was going through everything, it enabled me to connect with my breath. If I’m really honest, I was really cynical about things like breathwork because I’ve always been such a high-energy person. The key was learning that in the water if you don’t control your breath, it’s not going to be good for you.
I learned the box breath method and the Wim Hof method and now apply it when I need it. I was having a period of really bad panic attacks before and I haven’t had one now in a long time. I think yoga and pilates have a place as well for that kind of de-stressing, but my brain still wanders.
Journaling helps me connect with my husband
I also really enjoy journaling and need to get back into it – just the tiniest bit of noting gratitudes first thing in the morning or last thing at night can really shift whatever’s going on, particularly for midlife women.
I think so many people think they’ve got to write pages and pages, but I love that bullet point journaling where it’s just job done, pop it away, I’ve said what I need to say. It can be really helpful if your partner comes home and asks why your day was so stressful, because you can actually remember why and share a bit more. With the business, three kids, my ADHD, sometimes there’s not much time to connect and share with your partner when they come home. This makes it that bit easier.
I was sober for 2.5 years – but started drinking again (occasionally)
I was sober for two and a half years at the pinnacle of my dad’s illness and have come back to drinking but in a different way. It might be that if I go to someone’s for dinner, I’ll have a glass of wine that’s just sat there all night and I might sip at, but probably won’t. By the time everyone else is sozzled, no one’s noticed what you’re drinking.
I don’t necessarily make a statement of it, because I found that when I went sober, it made a lot of people very, very uncomfortable. When you do, you’re almost asking people to question their own life choices.
I was drinking far too much alcohol by the end of lockdown: my youngest son has a rare genetic lung condition that was only diagnosed at the beginning of that time after five years of trying, as well as my dad’s diagnosis. The default button for me had always been to just have a drink to numb the chaos – and during the pandemic there was a hell of a lot of chaos.
I did dry January in 2021 and then that was it for about two and a half years. It was extraordinary how I was able to face up to different traumas of the past and the things that had shaped me, and forgive my younger self because I wasn’t drinking.
My children were very divided on it: my daughter loved it because I was more present but my son, who had just found gaming as a way to communicate with his friends, said it was so much better when I was drinking because I wouldn’t bother him as much!
I honestly don’t know why I went back to drinking. I went through my dad dying, the funeral, and all of that and still didn’t drink. But there was a moment when we were on holiday in Majorca and I decided for some reason to have a glass of rosé. It was disgusting, it wasn’t the exciting thing that I had hoped it would be and was actually very overwhelming! So I haven’t gone back to it with the gusto that I had.
I am mindful because I know myself and could switch back to that more compulsive thinking, but I don’t think the drinking will ever be as regular as it was. I think I’ve had one drink this year so far.
Eating better makes snacking less – and not drinking – way easier
I used to suffer with disordered eating and, back in the day, exercise was always about shrinking myself. I really had to learn the power of food and nutrition, how that impacts stress and ADHD, as well as how to manage the food noise I inherited from disordered eating.
I am very mindful to have three lovely, wholesome meals a day. It’s all about balance and it’s not always perfect. I do like chocolate, I do like crisps, but I know how having that every day can make me feel and build into not so great habits.
But my dramatic reduction in drinking is possible, I think, because I eat well now. I think what happens so often, particularly with women, is that they’re restricting so much during the day and then they have cravings at night where they confuse hunger with other signals. When your body has unbalanced blood sugars it’s so much harder to make good, healthy choices. There are times where I think I want a glass of wine and I can tell you that it’s because I’m hungry or if not that, thirsty, and I’m trying to fill a void. As soon as you’ve got your protein, your fibre and you’ve got your blood sugars balanced, the temptation goes away for me.
Most supplements are a waste of cash
I think we should take creatine, magnesium, omegas, vitamin D with K2 and then, if you’ve been recommended by a dietitian or a GP, vitamin B or C and so on. Anything else, you’re absolutely wasting your money.
Get a full set of dumbbells – the investment is worth it
At home, I have every weight between three kg and 17.5 kg dumbbells. I also have a barbell at home because I’m a trainer but that’s not necessary at first. I understand people slowly building their collection but the thing is, you will use everything. It’s never a bad investment. Something like lateral raises requires a lower weight particularly when starting, but your legs are often stronger than you think. And if they’re there, you are far more likely to actually increase the weight and go into progressive overload. They are expensive but, to me, it’s a question of where are you going to invest in your health? I rarely step foot in a gym now.
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