It might be a cliché, but the truth is that you only get one first impression, so you'd better make it count. And this is especially true when it comes to your partner's parents. But let's be honest: you have to continuously put your best foot forward with your significant other's family because whether it's your second or 40th time getting together with them, you can still do something to make them dislike you.Even if they aren't particularly intimidating, it can be anxiety-inducing to know that they're observing what you do and say. And if you accidentally make a wrong move or unintentionally blurt out a comment that someone takes offense to, it can negatively impact their opinion of you. So if you're nervous about one of your first outings together, or want to make sure you never do something to ruin the relationship you already have with them, it would be good to learn what things can make you "instantly unlikable" to your in-laws, according to psychologists.Dr. Kathryn Smerling, a family psychologist, tells Parade that a healthy relationship with in-laws is one that “has boundaries,” as well as “resilience and flexibility.” But to build that relationship, you have to start with a good foundation. And that means avoiding any missteps that might make your in-laws cringe.To find out what behaviors to avoid with your in-laws, we spoke to Dr. Smerling as well as psychologist Dr. Meera Khan, PhD, PsyD, to find out what common things make you “instantly unlikable” to your spouse's family.Related: 8 Things Emotionally Intelligent Mothers-in-Law Do Differently, According to a Psychologist
7 Things That Make You ‘Instantly Unlikable’ to Your In-Laws, Psychologists Warn
2. Coming on too strong
There's a fine line between asking genuine questions and interrogation, and you shouldn't let your first few interactions with your in-laws veer into the latter. “This can be perceived as aggressive, fake and not likable,” says Dr. Khan, “Which impairs your ability to build genuine connection with your in-laws.”Of course, this doesn't mean you can't participate in a discussion with your in-laws, but if you are a talker, she suggests taking a beat to “observe and learn the family system” before jumping in too aggressively.
4. Not saying “thank you”
It sounds pretty basic, but not saying “thank you” when the occasion calls for it is always a major red flag. Therefore, sharing your gratitude can only earn you points with your in-laws. And Dr. Smerling says that being polite and gracious, especially earlier on in your relationship, is key because “it shows that [you 're] willing to be kind.”Related: 25 Relationship Check-In Questions for You and Your Partner
6. Being combative
It's normal to argue with family members, but early on in your relationship with your in-laws, it's important to try to avoid framing your interactions as a battle you need to win. “This creates contention and makes the focus about ‘winning’ over each other instead of fostering connection,” says Dr. Khan. “There will be disagreements and differences when two different family structures come together; focus on joint solutions and mutual ground.”Related: 9 Things Healthy Couples Do Differently During Disagreements, Therapists Say
Psychologists recommend doing two things consistently to make sure your good impression continues month after month, year after year.
Be on time
Be curious
Keeping an open mind and an open heart is critical when it comes to fostering a good relationship with your in-laws. “Approach with warmth, kindness and curiosity to understand and get to know them without bias as much as possible,” Dr. Khan shares. Dr. Smerling agrees, saying, “You have to start out being open and loving to your in-laws because they're the ones that brought you your partner.”That said, don't feel like you have to limit your conversations with your in-laws to your partner, either (though asking about their childhood can certainly be a good place to start). “Be curious about who they are. Be curious about what they do on a daily basis,” Dr. Smerling advises. “Curiosity is the thing that makes you likable.”Up Next:
Related: 9 After-Work Habits That Are Secretly Harming Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Kathryn Smerling is a psychologist and licensed clinical social worker who specializes in individual and family therapy. She is also the author of Learning to Play Again: Rediscovering Our Early Selves to Become Better Adults.Dr. Meera Khan, PhD, PsyD, is a psychologist with LifeStance Health who specializes in treating anxiety, depression and other trauma disorders.Hence then, the article about 7 common things that make you instantly unlikable to your in laws according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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