As adult children (and their parents and grandparents) can probably tell you, a relationship changes greatly when the child becomes a grown-up. No longer does the parent or grandparent have as much say over what the adult “can” or “can’t” do. No longer does the adult child need as much, or at least doesn't require the same things.But don’t be fooled: Children still very much need things from their parents and grandparents into adulthood, even if they don’t say so. They may be less likely to speak up about it, wanting to maintain or show their independence. Adult children are still “children,” in a way, though, and they are still human. They have those same basic needs, and a parent and/or grandparent can often meet them best. Parents and grandparents of adult children may not be aware of these needs if they aren't mentioned. To support parents and grandparents in this stage, Parade spoke to psychologists about what adult children need from their parents and grandparents—that they may not ask for—how parents and grandparents can initiate helpful conversations about these needs, and ways they can connect with an adult child or grandchild.Related: 9 Things Boomers Do That Drive Their Adult Children Away, Psychologists Reveal
9 Things Adult Children Need From Their Parents and Grandparents That They Might Not Ask For, Psychologists Explain
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2. Respect for autonomy, even when you disagree
Along the lines of emotional safety comes fostering a safe space to have different viewpoints or opinions.“They need parents and grandparents who can repair after rupture, who can say ‘I see how that landed’ without turning it into defensiveness,” says Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, PhD, the Chief Clinical Officer at Recovery.com. “Repair is what tells the nervous system, ‘This relationship can evolve.’” Related: People Who Never Heard 'I'm Sorry' From Their Parents Often Develop These 10 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
“It is so important for you to recognize where you end and where they begin,” she adds.
4. Being met and accepted as they are right now
If an adult child worries you’ll hold a favor over their head or make the situation more complicated, they're likely to say no or not even bother asking (and not get the help they need). “Your adult kids need you to just do the thing they asked you to do,” Dr. Hoffman says. She shares the example of an adult child asking you to pick their kids up after school. Rather than agree and add, “I can pick them up, but wouldn’t it be fun if I took them to dinner after? I know they love that Mexican place. You can pick them up here after,” just say yes.“The difference here is subtle, and you might think you are making things easier, but they already have a plan in place, and you are just making things harder for them to figure out other logistics,” Dr. Hoffman explains.
6. Planning for them or helping them plan
Simply being there for your adult child when they need you means more than you realize. Dr. Chaudhery-Malgeri says “a steady presence that doesn’t demand constant access” is key. Adult children need both attention and independence, autonomy and support.Related: 9 Habits of Grandparents Who Stay Emotionally Close to Their Grandkids—Even From Far Away
8. Speaking to them like a peer about the human experience
9. Knowing they're important to you
This one may be most crucial.“No matter how old your adult kids/grandkids are, they need to know they are important to you, you love them and they matter,” Dr. Hoffman says. “Tell them you love them, tell them you are thinking about them.”Related: People Who Weren't Told 'I Love You' in Childhood Often Develop These 13 Traits as Adults
What Are Good Ways To Connect With Your Adult Child or Grandchild?
The good news here is that even small efforts can be meaningful. “Connection with adult children is rarely built through big speeches; it’s built through small, consistent threads,” Dr. Chaudhery-Malgeri says, listing examples such as weekly texts, voice notes, shared shows, walks, coffee runs and simple “thinking of you” messages.She encourages you to “do life alongside them” by asking what’s been heavy or lighting them up, and offering support like a menu versus a takeover. “Most importantly, normalize repair,” she continues. “Closeness isn’t the absence of conflict; it’s the confidence that you can return to each other after it, safely.”According to Dr. Hoffman, the biggest things are cheering them on and taking an interest in what interests them. Then, remember what they tell you and follow up. Write down information and reminders if needed. Tell them they make good choices and are a good person. Use words of affirmation. Support their decisions. Seek support from a therapist if you’re struggling, need help recognizing unhealthy patterns or would like further tips.“Adult children still need reassurance, connection, cheerleading and parents who make things easier for them, not harder,” Dr. Hoffman says. And you can provide them with that.Up Next:
Related: The Biggest Obstacle To Repairing a Parent and Adult-Child Relationship, Psychologist Says
Sources:
Dr. Elana Hoffman, PhD, is a clinical psychologist. Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, PhD, is the Chief Clinical Officer at Recovery.com.Hence then, the article about 9 things adult children need from their parents and grandparents but won t ask for psychologists share was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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