Ashley Tisdale’s “toxic” mom group essay has everyone talking, but the effects she experienced aren’t limited to Hollywood.
Us Weekly spoke to several mental health experts, who broke down the telltale signs of a toxic mom group, the effects these social circles have on the psyche, coping mechanisms and how to exit while protecting your peace.
To understand the full picture, we must first dive into Tisdale’s essay.
Tisdale’s Essay About Her Toxic Mom Group
Tisdale, 40, made headlines when she dropped an essay last week about ditching her “toxic” mom group after feeling “isolated.”
“I remember being left out of a couple of group hangs, and I knew about them because Instagram made sure it fed me every single photo and Instagram Story,” she wrote in her essay for The Cut. “I was starting to feel frozen out of the group, noticing every way that they seemed to exclude me. … I told myself it was all in my head, and it wasn’t a big deal. And yet, I could sense a growing distance between me and the other members of the group, who seemed to not even care that I wasn’t around much.”
The High School Musical star did not identify who was part of the social circle, but many believed she was talking about her famous mom group, which included Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore and Meghan Trainor.
Tisdale’s rep later denied those claims.
What Is a Toxic Mom Group? Definition Explored
Jillian Amodio, a licensed therapist, psychology professor and founder of Mom’s for Mental Health, tells Us that “toxic groups are those that are judgmental, overly critical, make you feel bad about yourself, blame or gaslight, shame, insult, ridicule or exclude you. They can be manipulative and pit members against each other; a hierarchy can form based on perceived loyalty, status or other shallow factors.”
Candace Blecha, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Double Heart Therapy, explained that from a clinical standpoint, “a toxic mom group often appears supportive, inclusive and community-oriented on the surface, but underneath operates through judgment, comparison and subtle invalidation.”
Dr. Sarah Oreck, a licensed psychiatrist and therapist and cofounder and CEO of Mavida Health, warned that this kind of dynamic “doesn’t happen in a vacuum,” noting, “We live in a culture that isolates mothers.”
Jennell Casillas, a licensed perinatal mental health therapist, who focuses on women’s mental health and women’s reproductive mental health, said that toxic mom groups tend to hold strong beliefs and opinions on medical interventions, education, religious views or family structure views.
“As for being exclusionary, that’s another complicated human phenomenon. Exclusionary behavior tends to happen for a few reasons. We gather according to like-minded groups, we want to feel seen, heard and understood. When we feel ‘left out,’ we no longer feel desired or safe,” she told Us.
Courtesy of Hilary Duff/InstagramWarning Signs of a Toxic Mom Group
Oreck shared that the simplest test to see if your mom group is harming your mental health is to ask yourself: How do I feel after spending time or engaging with this group? Am I more anxious or self-critical and constantly second-guessing my choices?
“If you’re answering yes to several of these, that’s your sign. A truly supportive group should fill your cup and leave you feeling more grounded and less alone — not more uncertain and isolated,” she said.
Blecha said to trust your gut.
“Often, the first sign is intuitive rather than intellectual … a feeling that something is off,” she explained. “Red flags include increased self-doubt after interactions, questioning one’s competence as a mother, or feeling emotionally ‘smaller’ after group engagement.”
Ashley Tisdale Reveals the Reason Why She Left Her 'Toxic' Mom Group
How Toxic Mom Groups Affect Mental Health
All four experts agree that if you’re feeling any of the symptoms outlined below after interacting with your mom group, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
“Anxiety and depression are quite common and often lead to feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt,” Amodio cautioned. “Loneliness is not only ‘being’ alone, you can also ‘feel’ alone even when surrounded by people if they are not supportive and accepting.”
Oreck shared that there are four main patterns she sees in patients experiencing toxic friendships: anxiety, depression, burnout and relationship strain.
“The anxiety shows up as constant second-guessing and decision paralysis,” she said, adding, “Depression manifests as shame and inadequacy.”
She noted that “burnout is almost inevitable,” and “when online communities feel like your only lifeline, judgment there cuts especially deep. Relationship strain follows because the isolation and inequity are unsustainable.”
According to Oreck, the toxicity isn’t just between moms. “It’s baked into how we’ve structured motherhood in America.”
Ashley Tisdale Addresses Rumors Mandy Moore, Hilary Duff Are 'Toxic' Mom Friends
When to Leave a Toxic Mom Group
Casillas said if the mom group isn’t filling your cup, get out.
“You have such limited time between raising children, having a career and being a functioning adult to waste time on anything other than a supportive and loving group. There is no need to feel guilty about finding a group of supportive parents that can help you along your journey. The majority of women experience a wonderful experience with sisterhood and women supporting women. I highly encourage all parents to find their group,” she shared.
Amodio recommended “focus on facts, not feelings.”
“Validate your emotions and give yourself space to process and explore what you are feeling and why,” she stated. “Feeling triggered is a sign that you have needs that are being unmet. Listen to what those needs are and focus on exploring healthy ways to make sure those needs are met.”
How to Exit a Toxic Mom Group
“One of the things I emphasize often in therapy is that boundaries don’t require a dissertation. Especially in toxic environments, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your mental health,” Blecha shared.
She also recommended for people to “anchor into at least one safe, supportive relationship” to avoid complete isolation. “In many cases, leaving without explanation is the most self-respecting option. Let your absence do the talking.”
Blecha said it’s important to note that “healing isn’t about toughening up, it’s about softening toward yourself and choosing environments that don’t require armor.”
Oreck took the more blunt approach.
“You’re allowed to leave. You don’t need permission or a dramatic explanation. You can just stop showing up. And look, I don’t know that you need to publish a personal essay in The Cut about it,” she told Us, referring to Tisdale’s article. “Publicly throwing other women under the bus isn’t necessary, and frankly, it only ignores the bigger issue,” which she noted is the patriarchy that “keeps women isolated and pitted against each other.”
She added that if a clean break from the friend group is too overwhelming, “start small.” Her suggestion? “Skip every other meetup. Test how distance feels. Pay attention to whether you feel relief or panic. Before you fully exit, try to replace it intentionally so you’re not left with a void.”
Amodio recommended giving yourself grace as you exit the group.
“When we leave a friendship, a relationship, or a social group behind, there is often a period of grieving,” she said. “Grief is not limited to loss in the form of a death, grief is a universal experience when something we once held dear ceases to exist, or at least ceases to exist in the way it once was or the way we needed it to. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be loud and dramatic.”
The professionals also noted that drama in female friend groups is nothing new — but, as Blecha put it, “it’s become normalized in our motherhood culture.”
“Toxic messaging comes from many directions: mom groups, social media, family members, in-laws and coworkers. The source changes, but the impact is often the same,” she told Us. “I’ve also witnessed something really powerful on the other side: mothers who leave these environments often find deep connection with others who have had similar experiences. There’s a unique kind of bonding that happens when moms realize they weren’t the problem and never were.”
Amodio warned that “unfortunately, the ‘mean girl’ theme isn’t necessarily left behind in high school. I tell clients all the time, there are mean girls everywhere, and you gotta stop giving them your power, there are plenty of nice ones whose circles would love to welcome you in.”
Casillas emphasized, “There are plenty of fish in the sea, so to speak, so take time to find where you feel best. You also do not need an entire group to feel supported by. Just one other mom friend can help you on your journey.”
What Really Happened Between Ashley Tisdale and Her Mom Group?
A source exclusively told Us, “The root of the issues was that some of the women just became closer friends with each other, and Ashley started to feel left out.”
The insider explained that many get-togethers were last-minute, “and Ashley wasn’t included,” but “there wasn’t any bad intent.”
“Hilary and Mandy are extremely close, along with Kelsey Deenihan (their makeup artist), who is in the group, and a few others, and that dynamic naturally shaped the group,” the source noted. “At times, it made Ashley feel like she didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the circle.”
As for Tisdale, Us is told she “moved her primary residence to Malibu and feels more at peace than ever.”
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