In our How I Manage My Money series, we aim to find out how people are spending, saving and investing money to meet their costs and achieve their goals.
This week, we spoke to Olympic gold medalist and TV personality Tom Daley, who recently starred in The Celebrity Traitors, and his husband Dustin Lance Black (who goes by Lance), an Oscar-winning screenwriter, director and producer.
They tell The i Paper about their very different childhoods and how their experiences affected their attitude to money, and how talking about finance has changed their spending habits.
What was life like growing up in your household, money-wise?
Tom: I grew up in Plymouth. My parents both worked until my mum had the three of us, then stayed at home until we were all in school, and then she returned to work part-time.
Anything my mum and dad earned, they sacrificed for me and my brothers to do the things we loved, like diving. They invested a lot of their hard-earned money into helping me achieve my dreams.
Growing up, we had to save money and be mindful of our spending.
Lance: I grew up in difficult circumstances [in the US]. I had a single mum raising three boys, and she was paralysed from polio, so she had no job and couldn’t drive.
There were days when we knew there wouldn’t be food on the table – or enough food – and I had to get a paper round job at 13 to help pay the rent, so we had those conversations about money.
I will say that my mum more than made up for this with her huge heart, but it means I have developed a “scarcity mindset”, even though I’ve worked hard to earn money as an adult.
I feel very fortunate to be where I am now compared to my childhood, but I carry this mindset that it could all run out any minute, and I might end up hungry again. I definitely struggle to spend money on myself.
Tom: That’s where we differ. Having grown up diving, I’ve had to invest in myself in coaching, classes and physiotherapy. I’m able to live a bit more “in the moment”. I think we balance each other out.
Lance: I make sure tomorrow is going to be alright, and he makes sure today is worth living. It’s a good balance.
How much do you both feel you know about money and finances?
Tom: I’ve very much been learning about money as I go. The school system in the UK doesn’t really teach kids about it, but understanding how to invest and manage finances is really important.
I feel very fortunate that I’ve learned on the go and feel comfortable with finance now. We’re also very fortunate to be in a position now where we’re [financially] comfortable.
Tom Daley and husband Dustin Lance Black said they are now more open about their finances than beforeWhat’s the best purchase or investment you’ve ever made?
Tom: That’s a tough one! I don’t regret anything I’ve spent on my diving career. Funnily enough, while Lance has a “scarcity mindset”, he helped me let go of some of that – I used to hesitate about spending money on classes.
Going into the Tokyo [Olympics], my back and hips were a bit messed up, and I didn’t really want to spend the money to fix them. Lance said: “If you don’t do it and you don’t do well in the Olympics, will you regret not having done it?” And I said yes, and that was my answer.
So those kinds of investments Lance actually helped me with, they were investments in me and my future. I was betting on myself and I left a 23-year diving career with an Olympic gold medal, so I’d say those were my best purchases.
Lance: I’ve learned that you don’t bet against Tom Daley, you always bet on him. If you’re investing in yourself and your career, to me that actually supersedes my scarcity mindset.
What do you enjoy spending money on most?
Tom: Probably a good set of interchangeable crocheting needles. As a knitter or crocheter, it’s hard not to buy new yarn when you walk into a yarn store.
I also like spending money on hosting friends, games nights, barbecues, that kind of thing. I like being social and having experiences. I lost my dad at a young age and I feel like life is so short, so I just live in the moment and go for it.
Lance: Sorry- to give you context [on the yarn], think of the biggest industrial bin bag, that’s the size of the bag he comes back with, filled to the brim with yarn.
Tom: No, sorry, that’s not true. I only buy yarn for specific projects now. I used to buy it because it looked pretty, but now I go into a yarn shop knowing what I’m going to make.
Lance: My one really exorbitant purchase on myself was my baby grand piano which is actually sitting right behind me.
When I was a kid, we had a piano in our house but it was all beaten up. I always dreamed that one day I’d make enough money to get a baby grand piano, so I splurged on one in London a few years ago and shipped it to the US.
Other than that, I agree with Tom – I like spending on experiences that create memories, like vacations with the kids.
Tom: We’re both very unmaterialistic in that sense.
Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black in New York City. (Photo by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images for PFLAG)What’s your biggest money regret?
Lance: I actually have a big one. I bought a modest little house when I first could, and I sold it. I don’t even know why – I shouldn’t have. It was bad money advice, and if we had talked about it, I probably wouldn’t have. It’s a cautionary tale – more open communication could have helped.
Tom: I don’t think I have any big money regrets.
Lance: He doesn’t regret spending anything, he’s happy to spend all the time. You should see the number of packages that arrive at our door. He probably regrets not spending more.
So…Christmas. Are you big festive spenders?
Both: Yes.
Tom: We always host dinner and usually have people staying with us from the UK, so we spend a lot on that. But we make rules for each other.
Lance: Yes, but we also break all of those rules. We’re very responsible when it comes to money rule-making, and very consistent when it comes to rule-breaking. We set limits and then it all goes out the window.
Tom: Well, yeah. But we try to do one bought gift, one handmade gift, and then something together. We get gifts that are kind for both of us, too.
Would you say either of you are motivated by money?
Tom: You [Lance] have definitely spent your life doing things based on what it does for you as a person, how it moves the needle of progress forwards.
Lance: Money doesn’t do it for me. I think if something is meaningful or could make the world fairer, I’ll do that for free at the expense of an opportunity to make money. That’s not just altruism, I think that’s just growing up the way I did.
I don’t think either of us is motivated by money, we just make decisions based on what’s best for our family and the world. I never had money growing up, so I’ve never viewed it as something I’ve needed.
[Both Tom and Lance have teamed up with Starling Bank for its Lets Talk Money campaign, and both took the test to discover what kind of money mindsets they have.]
Why is it so important to talk about money as a couple?
Tom: Brits don’t really talk about money, so the tool to find your money mindset is a great conversation starter. Relationship compatibility is one thing, but money compatibility is another.
We never used to talk about finances as a couple, but now we have quarterly meetings to review everything. It’s great to know where you stand financially, so you can make better decisions together.
Lance: I think it’s incredibly important for couples to be talking about money with each other. The financial landscape is shifting so quickly right now, so it’s good to know where you both stand so you can make decisions together. When you know better, you can do better.
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How do you split your money as a couple?
Lance: We always kept our finances separately, as they were before we got together, and then created a joint bank account that both fund monthly.
That covers our bills and our joint expenses like our home and kids and it worked well for us, but it did mean that we weren’t discussing what we had in our own accounts.
Using the Starling tool led to us actually talking about our own finances and that has kind of unlocked our spending, because we didn’t realise that we were both doing well [financially] separately and that there was more we could invest into our family.
Tom: We talk about money much more now. As parents, we get caught up in daily life and hadn’t taken the time to sit down and see how we could maximise what we have, but we make sure to do that now.
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