As I sat down on Friday to write my-end-of-year column about the dangers looming and absurdities sure to be abounding and the vague possibility that something might go right in 2026, I made a huge mistake.
For laughs, I asked ChatGPT to write a column in my style about predictions for 2026.
This is the updated version for writers, and presumably more normal people, who used to constantly Google themselves, which, although a waste of time, probably wasn’t going to shape-shift the world.
But what the AI machine came up with scared me at least half to death. And that was only on the first reading.
Not for what it said about the future. AI has no more idea than I do or you do about what’s going to happen next, other than there’s every chance it will be terrifying.
What scared me is that the AI-generated piece sorta sounded like me. Not as funny (I hope). Not as perceptive (I hope). I mean, it was a whole Littwin Lite column about the future that never once mentioned King Donald of Orange. And it didn’t quote from either “Spinal Tap” or “The Big Lebowski.” Or even from Yogi Berra (“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”)
But I still worry about what Littwin Lite says not only about my future, but about everyone’s future. Will AI take over the world or, if not, will it just make it ever more schlocky?
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SUBSCRIBEI asked my boss, Larry Ryckman, what he thought of the Littwin Lite column. He said he knew it wasn’t me because the column was filed hours, instead of seconds, before deadline. Actually, it took maybe 12 seconds of AI’s time to do me, leaving way too much time to do something much worse.
I knew it couldn’t be me because it didn’t actually say anything about the future. It took no hard stands, and even mostly avoided taking soft stands. And what it did say about the future was (talk about the dangers of AI propaganda and disinformation) remarkably anodyne. Like, it never once mentioned “end times.”
Here are some excerpts from the AI version of a Littwin prediction column:
“This is America in 2026, where the only safe prediction is that whatever happens will somehow be worse than expected, stranger than imagined, and immediately explained on cable news by someone who was wrong about everything else.” “Let’s begin with politics, because politics insists on beginning with us …” “Expect investigations. Investigations of investigations. Investigations into why the investigations didn’t investigate enough … (It’s all) very good for fundraising emails. “THIS IS IT,” they will say. It will not be it …” “The economy in 2026 will be doing that thing where experts say it’s ‘resilient,’ which is economist code for ‘we don’t know why it hasn’t collapsed yet, please stop asking’…” “Technology will continue its gentle march toward making us all obsolete while assuring us it’s here to help … Everyone will swear they can tell the difference between human and machine writing, right up until they can’t. This column may or may not be written by a person. I’ll never tell.” “So what should you expect in 2026? … Expect chaos with a side of déjà vu …Expect the future to arrive late, unprepared, and asking if it can crash on your couch for a while.”I’m not entirely sure what “chaos with a side of deja vu” means, but the cadence and sentence structure are familiar and the punchline kind of … good?
A friend said the line reminded him of the Back Bay Mainline rock critic character Jeff Goldblum plays in “Between the Lines” when he said: “They say that rock ‘n’ roll is here to stay. But where? Certainly not at my place, it’s too small.”
Now, that’s funny.
The AI machine had obviously read my columns closely, but apparently did not exactly take the message I was hoping for, or understand that there should even be a message in an opinion column.
Nothing about which wing of the White House — or which Colorado institution — Trump will tear down next. Nothing about the Goldfinger (or, if you like, the Neroean) presidency. Nothing about whether the renamed Trump Kennedy Center tells us about the future of Mount Rushmore. Nothing about the multi-multi-multi-billionaire tech bros who have made themselves, and the media they control, entirely subservient to Trump. And how they would help pay to scrape, say, Teddy Roosevelt off the mountainside and replace his image with Trump’s.
Nothing about Bari Weiss destroying “60 Minutes.” Or RFK Jr., destroying our children’s health. Or RFK Jr. fanboy Jared Polis doubling and tripling down on his support. Nothing about what to make of the (at last check) 21 GOP candidates for Colorado governor. Nothing about whether Phil Weiser has a real chance to beat Michael Bennet in the Dem primary race.
NOTHING ABOUT THE FUTURE OF THE EPSTEIN FILES OR HOW THEY’RE A DEMOCRATIC HOAX.
Nothing about America Firsters thinking that the underlying concept extends somehow to saving Christians in Africa. Or why Trump, who thinks he can bribe his way into heaven, constantly talks about America being a Christian nation, even though — checking Google here — the Founding Fathers clearly said it wasn’t.
Nothing about Trump wanting to ethnically cleanse Gaza, and certainly nothing of cleansing starving children so he could make another try at building casinos there. His last casino ventures, you’ll remember, didn’t go so well, but, hey, that was New Jersey. And probably was either Chris Christie’s or Bruce Springsteen’s fault.
Not one word from the Littwin Lite column about the loathsome JD Vance, who, I’m guessing, is still looping his take on America: “I’ve Been Dreaming About an Exclusively White Christmas.”
Worse still, the Littwin Lite column was vaguely reassuring about the future, suggesting ChatGPT doesn’t actually have any idea how I think. Does it think, for example, I would pass up the chance in any column to mention Trump’s Christmas Eve dialogue on the NORAD Santa-tracker hotline with small and unprotected children?
When he asked an 8-year-old what she wanted for Christmas, she cleverly replied, “Not coal.”
To which Trump replied, presumably at least half jokingly, “You mean clean, beautiful coal.”
He then went on to tell two children, 4 and 10 years old, why Santa was being tracked at all.
“Santa is a very good person,” Trump said. “We want to make sure that he’s not infiltrated, that we’re not infiltrating into our country a bad Santa.”
If there were a bad Santa — I hope no one makes this movie — Trump could then blow up Santa’s sleigh in the same way he blows up Venezuelan motor boats. No survivors, please. Or have masked agents jump him in the streets of, I don’t know, say, Chicago, and lock him up until they can deport him to a place where kids will especially miss him.
I gave ChatGPT another chance at a glimpse into the future by asking directly for a prediction on the midterms or whether there would even be midterm elections. It noted the polling favoring the Dems, and history favoring the out-of-power party, but said it would not make any predictions because, you know, Yogi.
It did say that those who fear there won’t be any midterms are basically conspiracy theorists. Are they trying to Lauren Boebert us?
What I know is this: While we’re tracking the sure-to-be either climactic or anticlimactic midterms as they take their sweet time arriving — and my guess is they probably will make it in time for November — they will determine whether there can be a necessary, violence-free counterrevolution against the Trump Restoration.
What I mean is, until the Dems retake the House, and they must for the sake of history, I know what I’ll be doing: Sitting in a barricaded room, playing “Won’t Get Fooled Again” on repeat.
And writing my very own columns in The Sun for you, hopefully, to read — even if I barely make deadline.
Mike Littwin has been a columnist for too many years to count. He has covered Dr. J, four presidential inaugurations, six national conventions and countless brain-numbing speeches in the New Hampshire and Iowa snow. Sign up for Mike’s newsletter.
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