‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the SEC
Not a team was stirring, not even the fans of Tennessee
Alas, the dizzying coaching carousel had finally stopped spinning
Six new SEC coaches were hired, all in the name of winning
* * * * *
Five teams decided to give their coaches the boot
Buyouts were paid, though one coach refused to mute
Lane Kiffin opted to speak publicly as he made his decision
Once again, he plotted an exit without proper precision
* * * * *
Lane left for LSU even though Ole Miss was Playoff-bound
Wishes to stay were declined after Keith Carter held his ground
Both parties fought until they eventually came to a truce
Baton Rouge-bound for Lane, but not for Juice
* * * * *
It’s Lane’s time after Brian Kelly’s dreams died in Death Valley
Press conference tantrums were wasted on an offense that couldn’t rally
A blowout loss to surging Texas A&M was the nail in the coffin
Kelly then got 54 million reasons for the disappointment to soften
* * * * *
That was more than the $21 million Christmas gift that Billy Napier got
Buyouts like that made $15 million to Hugh Freeze not feel like a lot
Life as a fired SEC coach is not one that stinks
Grab your clubs, fellas, and let’s head to the links!
* * * * *
“NOW BILLY! NOW PITTMAN! NOW COACH FREEZE AND KELLY!
ON, MARK STOOPS! ON, SEXTON! ON, HITTING THAT CELLY!
Cash those buyout checks! Straight to the bank!
It’s Sexton’s world! It pays to tank!
* * * * *
But not everyone in the SEC fired their coach
Some won games and didn’t have to poach
None won more than Georgia as the best in the league
And no one could ignore Diego Pavia as his mom gave us fatigue
* * * * *
A&M and Oklahoma broke through to earn a Playoff berth
Texas beat ’em both but reminded us what 3 losses were worth
Alabama bounced back as everyone anticipated the fall
The Rose Bowl awaits, even though they can’t run the ball
* * * * *
The Tide, Dawgs and Rebels still have Playoff life
Watching them for many will feel like twisting the knife
Tennessee won in The Swamp but lost to UGA on a missed kick
Arkansas lost in ways that would make even the strongest stomach sick
* * * * *
South Carolina’s season went in the toilet with the offense of Shula
Though that lawsuit vs. the Texas state trooper should be worth plenty of moolah
Jeff Lebby got an SEC win, but not a winning second season
Mizzou locked down Eli Drinkwitz with an $11 million reason
* * * * *
Clark Lea’s historic 2025 also earned him a rich new deal
Pavia played his way to New York in a year that didn’t seem real
He became Vandy’s first player ever to earn a trip to the Heisman stage
That won’t be forgotten, though Pavia let the voters feel his rage
* * * * *
Bold (perhaps dumb) decisions were made by many
More than a few were willing to fork over a pretty penny
Regrets of buyouts paid haunted SEC dreams
HOW DOES JIMMY SEXTON KEEP FLEECING OUR TEAMS?!?
* * * * *
But as Lane celebrated and enjoyed his new digs
He began to feel like Kennedy after the Bay of Pigs
Regret and sweat poured over Lane as he shouted from his toga
“BLAST THE KE$HA AND TAKE ME TO HOT YOGA!”
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the SEC … Saturday Down South.
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