I saw a T-shirt the other day that said “Introverts Unite! (separately in your own homes!)” Now, that’s a good gag.
Then I met a friend in a bookshop and noticed that the self-help section offered up a plethora of books on how to navigate the world as an introvert. I assume my phone must have been listening too, because when I next logged on to social media, I found myself on the introvert side of TikTok and Instagram Reels, watching skits on hating socialising and the joy of someone else cancelling plans. Let me tell you, they may be awkward, but introverts are hilarious.
I started noticing introvert culture everywhere. You can take quizzes to find out if you are an introvert, read books on being an introvert in the workplace, and watch YouTube tutorials on dating as an introvert. There are posters, greeting cards, and memes aplenty about introverts being people-hating lone wolves who would rather brick themselves up inside a chimney stack than attend an office party.
There is a delicious irony surrounding the entire “introvert” thing, isn’t there? For people who don’t like drawing attention to themselves, the introverts are being extremely noisy about it.
And then it struck me. Where are the extroverts? Where are their funny memes and skits? Why does no one want to own up to that? I suspect it’s because there is a strange sense of pride that comes with being a self-identified introvert.
Being an introvert no longer means you just like things to be a bit quieter; it has become an entire personality type, one associated with intelligent introspection, creativity, and aloofness. By comparison then, extroverts must be bombastic gobshites, who are bored by any conversation that isn’t about them. And who wants to identify with that?
If you are someone who likes to identify with the whole introvert thing, I have something to tell you. I won’t hold your hand when I do so, because I know you don’t like that, but being an introvert is not a personality. You’re probably just anxious – though that makes for far less funny memes.
And yet, saying “I’m an introvert” has become a shorthand for just that, a personality, nay, a distinct category of human being. “I don’t like socialising, I’m an introvert”; “I don’t like talking to people, I’m an introvert”. As if you could cut someone through the middle and count the introvert rings. Well, its high time to put a stop to this.
I’m sorry if I offend the introverted among us, but let’s face it, they probably wouldn’t say so if I do. The fact is that the entire introversion/extroversion has been spectacularly misunderstood. Let me explain.
According to which piece of research you read, introverts make up anywhere between 30 and 70 per ccent of the population. I suspect the reason the figure varies so wildly is because it’s very difficult to get the introverts to leave the safety of their homes to fill out a questionnaire. But if it is as high as 70 percent, that means that most of us are, in fact, introverts. A reason for this rather startling statistic is people who are not introverted often identify with the label. Thinking of yourself as introverted is actually pretty common.
But we can’t all be introverts! I don’t even believe 70 per cent of us are. As a species, how would we get anything done? Someone has to put their head above the parapet. So, what’s going on?
The theory of introverts/extroverts comes to us from the field of psychology, and it has long been misunderstood by the wider public. It was Carl Jung who first introduced the terms, though he did caveat it by saying no one was a “pure” introvert or extrovert because “such a person would be in the lunatic asylum”. So, bear that in mind the next time someone says they are an introvert. Jung believed we are “ambiverts” and exist on a spectrum of both.
It is a commonly held belief that an introvert is simply someone who doesn’t like social interaction and prefers to be alone, whereas extroverts are the opposite and thrive on social attention, but this isn’t quite right.
In psychological terms, it’s more about how assertive and enthusiastic you are in social settings. It’s a subtle difference but an important one. Someone who is introverted may well like to be alone, but that isn’t its defining feature. It’s how willing you are to put yourself forward in front of others. Are you happy for others to lead you?
What’s more, one’s introversion or extroversion is only one aspect of the overall human personality profile – it is not an entire personality in and of itself. The five major personality traits that have been identified by psychologists in recent years comprise of openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, or OCEAN for short.
Contrary to popular belief, being more introverted does not necessarily mean that you will be shy, less sociable, more sensitive, or that you are more reflective or creative. These things are largely linked to neuroticism, agreeableness, and openness. Being introverted just means that given the choice you like it quiet. You might very well like being around people, but you’re happy not to be the centre of attention.
Perhaps the biggest giveaway that introversion/extroversion has been misunderstood in popular culture is just how loud those claiming they are introverted are being about it. If you’re happy to walk about in a t-shirt that says, “It’s too peopley outside,” you are actually exhibiting quite extroverted traits because you are drawing attention to yourself.
The psychologist Dr Scott Barry Kaufman said: “Social attention seems to be one of the best markers in differentiating introverts from extroverts.” Someone who is more introverted generally shows much less interest in gaining social attention, which may change how you understand the terms in relation to yourself.
Are you open to putting yourself forward, taking a leadership role, or occupying a space with high levels of visibility, from wearing a funny t-shirt through to performing on stage? Then you might be more extroverted than you think, even if you really enjoy your alone time.
Which brings me back to my earlier question. Why do we never hear from the extroverts? Where are their memes, self-help books, and support packages in the workplace? Can you even have reasonable adjustments for being an extrovert? “Obviously, I will attend the office meeting, but I will need to present my report through the medium of interpretative dance, for I am an extrovert!”
But no, not a word. I suspect it’s because a lot of them are running around loudly claiming to be introverts.
Extroversion also suffers from something of an image problem in the public imagination. If we think of introverts as shy and retiring, then extroverts must be the exact opposite: loud and boisterous. You can be an introvert and still be an arsehole.
People scoring high on the extrovert scale are simply those who exhibit “gregariousness, assertiveness, warmth, activity, excitement-seeking, and positive emotions”. Again, such traits do not constitute a personality type; they are only part of a much larger picture. But I think we need to reconsider the stigma attached to being extroverted, not to mention the over-romanticisation of being introverted.
Rather than explaining away social anxiety under the banner of being an introvert, maybe it would be better to examine what is really going on there. It’s perfectly fine to feel anxious in loud or busy environments, or to dislike small talk and speaking in public. But there is more at work there than simply being an “introvert”.
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