Daunting, sure, but “This is Alaska, too,” I think to myself as I accept some champagne and nibble a Princess Love Boat Dream – a “heart-shaped dessert with layers of chocolate-raspberry mousse and vanilla-raspberry cream on a shortbread cookie base” – on board the Grand Princess, where I’m experiencing Alaska in rather more comfort than Remnick or his 18 unwelcome guests.
Request a brochure and get inspiration for your next holidayThree ‘port days’ give me a flavour of the Last Frontier (also Alaska’s official state nickname); two ‘scenic cruising’ days provide spectacular views of glaciers and icebergs without my even having to leave the (extreme) comfort of my hot tub; and the itinerary’s single ‘sea day’ allows me to savour the ship’s spas, bars and even ‘Movies under the Stars’, where I happily goggle a Harry Potter on the open top deck’s huge screen, hunkered under a blanket with cookies.
Each port day, helicopters whisk passengers up to other-worldly icefields where huskies howl; floatplanes trace fjords and emerald inlets so narrow you swear the wings will brush the spruce. Whale-watching boats skim out from Juneau and return heavy with stories of humpbacks and orcas. In Skagway, the White Pass and Yukon Route Railway coils through the mountains, each bend offering another “surely not!” vista.
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The ports themselves are an odd mix of touristy tat shops and true frontier township. Shops peddling novelty reindeer-fur bikinis and moose-logo baseball caps sit between Gold Rush-era saloons and brothels – some preserved as little museums, others still serving (the saloons only). Seaplanes bounce from the water with the cheerful impatience of dragonflies, yachts nose against tugs, fishing skippers swear at cruise ships performing three-point turns with the circumference of small cities. And from each city, walking trails take me out among glassy lakes, see-forever views and pine forests smelling of resin and cool earth.
Still, the trip’s best days are spent adrift: those ‘scenic cruising’ days are showstopping. Glacier Bay is a theatre of ice. From the deck I watch an ever-changing carousel of cathedral-sized ice sculptures glide by like god-sized ghosts. The silence is immense: no roads, no chatter, just the occasional crack of calving ice, followed by a roar as a tower-block-sized slab collapses into the bay. Eagles circle overhead, seals lounge on floes, and suddenly you realise 2,500 passengers are standing shoulder to shoulder in reverent quiet, all hearing the same stillness.
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It’s an almost brutal beauty, and it’s strange to think how easily – how cossetingly, even – it’s available. This, after all, is Alaska.
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