Theories abound. High house prices, the cost of living, feminism, impossibly high parenting expectations, career aspirations, dwindling fertility rates – the list goes on.
Specifically, men who theoretically do want children, but who “aren’t ready” despite being fully-fledged, taxpaying adults, often into their thirties or even older.
Fitzpatrick told the Sunday Times: “I’m 57, and I would love to meet somebody between 30 and 40 and have a kid. Or a couple of kids. I love kids and I loved doing my book for kids. I think I’d be a good daddy because I’ve got good morals. I was never properly, emotionally ready, until recently.”
It’s a sentiment which I heard repeatedly when I was dating stable, self-sufficient men in their thirties and forties who’d tell me over drinks that they were “definitely” going to have kids – just absolutely no time in the near future, as if waiting had no impact on their fertility, the women they were dating, or the proportion of their future child’s life they would still be alive to see.
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Yet that assumption completely ignores the inconvenient truth that there are negative health outcomes associated with older fathers, just as with older mothers.
Starting to consider fatherhood in your late fifties, a la Noel Fitzpatrick, is at the extreme end of the spectrum, but I’ve observed dozens of couples in my social circle where the male partner is totally up for having a baby. Just not yet.
Even worse, I know a handful of women who spent their thirties with men who were on the fence about fatherhood, only for them to break up and watch their ex have children with younger women, thus leaving their original partner without the kids they truly wanted. That’s the kind of betrayal I would find impossible to forgive.
But having children requires you to become unselfish, and then remain unselfish for the rest of your life. A good rehearsal for that experience is opting to become a parent at the time which is best for everyone involved – you, your partner and the future child.
If you’re not willing to do it until everything feels totally perfect, then frankly you might not be cut out for fatherhood at all.
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