Let's be real: Conflict isn't "fun." However, it's a part of life that, when handled with care, can be productive and lead to deeper relationships with others and yourself. Psychologists report that children who grew up in families that didn't address conflict don't get this memo—and it's to their long-term detriment."When conflict is consistently dismissed, children learn that difficult emotions are dangerous, shameful or burdensome," explains Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist. "Over time, this wires the nervous system for suppression rather than expression and can even make a child feel unsure about their reality."Also, what happens after an argument or a sticky moment is often where kids learn one of life's most important lessons: Ruptures can be repaired—one disagreement doesn't have to break a secure relationship."Facing the conflict directly, with clear requests, gives the relationship a chance to heal and get stronger," shares Dr. Mazer.She adds that ignoring conflict can lead to resentment and communication breakdowns. Related: 105 Toxic People Quotes To Help Get Rid of the Negativity in Your Life
9 Traits of People Who Grew Up In Conflict-Avoidant Homes, Psychologists Warn
2. Indirect communication styles
Direct communication is generally frowned upon in non-confrontational homes. Consequently, people raised in these environments may continue the cycle."Since people who sweep conflict under the rug do not know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way, they might engage in side commentary, sarcasm or some type of passive-aggressive hostility, such as stonewalling or the silent treatment," shares Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "This is a non-direct way of expressing their anger in a way that does not include arguing or yelling and still feels emotionally safer than addressing conflict directly. "
4. Difficulty expressing needs
Heck, Dr. McGeehan points out that you might even know your own needs if the adults in your life avoided clashes at all costs. "In homes where voicing discomfort was seen as disrespectful or 'too much,' people often learn to downplay what they want or need," she shares. "This leads to unmet needs, quiet resentment and relational disconnection that follows them from relationship to relationship."
6. Deep fear of confrontation
Unsurprisingly, growing up in a home where adults run from disagreements may make you hesitant to have one."Because conflict was associated with abandonment, anger or emotional shutdown, these adults may avoid hard conversations at all costs, even when it’s necessary or healthy," Dr. McGeehan says. "This leads to dysfunctional relationships because confrontation is a necessary part of healthy relationships and intimacy."
8. Conflict silencing
Essentially, history repeats itself."Even if they long for honest connection, they may default to smoothing things over quickly, changing the subject or pretending everything is fine because vulnerability feels threatening, not freeing," Dr. McGeehan reports. "We seek to continue what is familiar, not what is healthy."She warns that conflict silencing can have a ripple effect on your adult relationships.
1. Acknowledge your past and present
The influential people in your life may have hidden from conflict, but you don't have to deny it exists any longer."Start to acknowledge the negative impact of avoiding, like recognizing what it costs you to avoid the conflict and ignore the issues," Dr. Goldman says. "It is helpful to understand the negative impact ignoring conflict has on your life and focus on what you want to change, such as why you want to be able to manage conflict effectively and in a healthy way."
3. Start with low-stakes situations
If the idea of setting boundaries—let alone expressing a different viewpoint or need—scares you, Dr. McGeehan suggests starting small."Try expressing a preference or naming a moment of discomfort with someone you trust," she advises. "These micro-moments build your capacity for relational repair and prove that honesty doesn’t have to end in rupture. Healthy conflict is a relational muscle that is built over time as our system learns it’s not a threat, just a new experience."
5. Seek support
People raised in homes that swept conflict under the rug didn't develop traits, such as people-pleasing, overnight. You may need some help to heal from your childhood."Working with a psychologist can help you process emotions, understand patterns and develop healthier coping strategies," Dr. Frank says. "Therapy provides a safe space to unpack childhood experiences and build self-awareness."Finding the right fit is critical to healing, though."The self-improvement you are working on only works if you feel safe and understood," Dr. Mazer shares. "Do a short consultation. Ask how the therapist will help with boundary setting and conflict, and give it two or three sessions. If it feels off, try someone else. It's important to find someone you can trust."Up Next:
Related: If You Heard These 9 Phrases as a Child, Your Parents Likely Weren't Ready To Have Kids, a Psychologist Says
Sources:
Dr. Stefanie Mazer, Psy.D, a psychologist based in Wellington, FloridaDr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorDr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a psychologist with Duality Psychological ServicesHence then, the article about people who grew up with conflict swept under the rug often develop these 9 traits as adults psychologists say was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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