Our friends Dotti and Frank were married 54 years on Thursday, Aug. 28. A good reason to celebrate. What is it about weddings and anniversaries that make us go weepy with emotion? Perhaps it is past memories in our minds of other weddings.
I remembered a wedding in the mountains of Colorado in 1974. John Denver’s song ” Follow Me” was softly playing in the background as the sun was shining a rainbow of colors crowned the wedding party. Another wedding I remembered was close and personal. An Army officer and a youth counselor who were united in marriage at the Air Force Academy Community Chapel with the music of Neil Diamond softly playing as the bride walked down the aisle.
No matter which memory plays in your mind as you are attending a wedding reception, or celebrating a wedding anniversary, love is always remembered.
Love is everywhere. It shines in all stages of life and can last forever. There is a lower divorce rate reported now weighing in at 40% to 50% as marriage on a societal level is changing, only time will tell how modern marriages will change and grow from those marriages of the past. A famous Mae West quote about marriage is “It’s a fine institution but I’m not ready for an institution.”
Marriage and lasting love is documented by the many couples that make it to their silver or golden anniversary. It is etched in the face of love as you see a couple renewing their vows, so in love that they only have eyes for each other. It is in his eyes as he looks at her lovingly as he holds her chair for her to sit and dine in a restaurant. Perhaps they are celebrating a special event or perhaps they are celebrating a day of being together. It is in her eyes as she walks ahead of him as he struggles with a physical injury that causes him to limp and follow slightly behind her. She reaches the car door first and opens the passenger door, helps him in and fastens his seat belt for him with a look of love.
Barbara Dangles says “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” How true this is.
Dotti and Frank met on an elevator when her parents and sister were visiting her during college. Dotti got off on the third floor and Frank got off shortly after and noticed her room number and left her a poem with his telephone number and an introductory note on it. She did not notice it until 10:30 at night when a friend came to visit and dared her to call him. They started dating. Dotty was attending Texas Woman’s University in Houston studying occupational therapy while Frank was a student at the University of Texas Dental School. He was working at Methodist Hospital in Houston drawing blood for the lab of Dr. DeBakey. They would date for two months on and off due to the heavy commitments of college. In January of 1971 they secretly eloped on an impulse and on Aug. 28 they married with love, family and friends around them at St. Anne’s Catholic Church.
Dotti had no second thoughts about marrying Frank. Frank thought about driving away. Their son Randall would write a paper of their love story in the eighth grade stating Frank and Dotti were happily but not perfectly married. He quotes James Dobson who says “perfection doesn’t exist. You have to approach marriage with a learner’s permit to work out your incompatibilities.” Love, and patience. “Find the right person and become the right partner.”
In therapy sessions, couples in a long-term relationship will struggle with the question of dating and engagement. Ted Houston, a leading researcher on transitions in relationships, marriage and parenthood who followed couples for 13 years starting in 1979, states in his study that happily married couples dated for approximately for 25 months before getting married. I believe, depending on circumstances, couples need to have their own timetable, but they need to have a mutual agreement and understanding about the future timeline of their relationship in order for their relationship to last.
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