DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the rule on inviting someone to accompany you to a play that’s close to being sold out, and they don’t respond to your invitation in a timely way?
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I did buy my own ticket — and then heard from her, two days later, saying that she was interested in accompanying me.
Should I have waited to hear from her before purchasing my ticket?
GENTLE READER: How long did you give her before you gave up and bought yours? Somewhere between 5 minutes and two days is reasonable.
Miss Manners agrees that ultimatums with friends can be awkward, but in this case, a time limit would have been helpful. Or at least made you feel better about getting on with it.
Of course you do not state it as an ultimatum — only that you are worried that tickets will sell out, so you are going to get yours by the end of the day, whether or not you have heard from her.
Presumably you could still go with each other, just not necessarily sit together. Especially if only standing room is left. Either way, you both will have learned a lesson.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I politely invite someone to my home but also indicate that they should not bring their friends or family with them?
We moved a couple years ago to a different city, and made new friends we really like. We also have neighbors a couple of houses away who will just come over to join any gathering without an invite.
I was hosting dinner for a pair of friends, and they brought a couple of mutual friends with them. I had to stretch the food and was very uncomfortable.
How can I let the neighbor know they are not invited when they just show up? It is becoming a pattern now.
GENTLE READER: Are these two separate situations? Are your guests bringing mutual friends to some dinner parties, and your neighbors just showing up to others? Or are the neighbors showing up at the same time that the friends brought over other friends?
That would indeed stretch the food. But assuming they are separate:
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As for the neighbors, just because they show up does not mean you have to invite them in. “I’m afraid that we have other company over right now, but we would love to see you another time.”
At least with them, you know their journey home is easy. With friends of friends — unless you similarly banish their ride — you are stuck.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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