Welcome to the world of the tinnitus sufferer, an exclusive club where noise is a constant, ever-present, and wholly unwelcome spectre.
It’s not fully understood what causes it, but known triggers include hearing loss, Ménière’s disease, conditions such as diabetes, thyroid disorders, multiple sclerosis, anxiety and depression. It can also be a side effect of certain medications, such as chemotherapy, antibiotics, non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, aspirin, and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. It was taking these that appears to have caused mine.
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I remember desperately searching all through my home to try and find what was making the noise. Was it the TV? A broken computer? Something outside? I frantically asked everyone around me if they could hear it too. They couldn’t. Slowly it dawned on me that it was inside my head. I didn’t immediately connect the tinnitus to the new medication and launched myself into finding a cure. I tried everything from ear syringing to acupuncture, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t get rid of it.
Nails being dragged over metal
When I am tired or stressed, the ringing can become so loud that I struggle to hear what is being said to me. It’s the same when I am sick. There is a throbbing, pulsing quality to it as the volume surges and retreats in a rhythm I have never been able to fathom. As I write this, it’s much louder in my left ear, but the noise can swap sides, and I have never understood why. It can wake me up at night and then it takes a moment to remember it’s not an alarm, or someone blowing a whistle far away. It’s just the tinnitus.
Mine is starting to worsen in intensity, which is likely due to perimenopausal hormonal changes. It’s not known why, but tinnitus can worsen or even show up for the first time when your hormones start fluctuating. (As if we didn’t have enough to contend with!)
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The quieter the space, the more prominent the tinnitus becomes, so I like to always have noise about me. Whether it be the TV, a podcast, or music, I will always have some time of background noise to distract me. But the most effective weapon I have found is changing my own perception of the sound itself.
Fairies or thunderstorms
When I am lying in bed and the noise won’t be dulled by external sounds, I work on reframing what I am hearing. Rather than shrinking from the terrible sound of metal squeaking on metal, I imagine it as a gentler tinkling sound, like Tinkerbell or rain on a tin roof. I’m not hearing an ugly ringing; I am listening to fairies or thunderstorms. When I am calm and can bring my focus to other sounds, the tinnitus can fade into the background.
If nothing else, tinnitus has taught me to savour the moments when the noise fades, even if it is only for a precious moment or two.
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