In an article for The Telegraph, Phillipson stated that too many young couples were hesitant to have children due to the high costs involved. Finances have influenced my decision not to have children. As a freelance writer I was never going to be a high earner (I have never been ambitious or hungry enough to make a lot of cash), and I vividly remember watching my parents struggle with money throughout my childhood. They didn’t have much outside help, so to keep childcare costs down, my parents worked shifts, with my dad starting work at 6am and finishing at 2pm, coming home in time to wave my mum off to work for the rest of the day. It meant they barely saw each other except for weekends.
I became an auntie in my mid-twenties, and the love I felt when I held my baby nephew for the first time was intense. I had this primal urge to protect him, but it didn’t make me broody; it was quite the opposite. I realised as I held him close to me that I would never be able to handle the responsibility and utter helplessness that comes with being a parent.
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My twenties and thirties were filled with pregnancy announcements until I was one of only two people in my immediate friend group without children. Friendships changed, which was to be expected. I may never fully understand the intricacies and frustrations of parenthood, but I will always listen and do whatever I can to help. Having watched friends pushed to the brink financially, mentally and physically, I will campaign, fight and rage for parental rights, even if I never will be one myself.
I am happy with my choices, and have enjoyed so many benefits from a childfree life – but this from Phillipson’s article rankles me. “Families are the bedrock of our society, and we need them to succeed.” It is hard when society perpetuates the myth that the only version of “family” is one with children. I hate to break it to you, but a family can exist without children. A life can be joyful and fulfilled without procreating. I promise you that.
I often get asked, “who will look after you when you’re old, if you don’t have children?” Firstly, old age is not guaranteed, and if you’re having a child solely to have someone look after you when you’re old and infirm, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. I’ve spent my working life building a pension, so I should have money for care when I am unable to look after myself. The last thing I want is to be a burden on any surviving relatives.
Birth rates are declining because young people are in survival mode – they are struggling to get on the property ladder, the cost of living continues to increase, and job insecurity is rife. My friends can no longer rely on their parents to help with childcare, as they are having to work well into retirement, due to economic uncertainty. Perhaps if the country weren’t in such a dire state, more people would want to raise a child in it.
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