For many people, the day they get engaged is one of the happiest of their lives. When I got engaged seven months ago, it was for me, too, but in the weeks that followed, it led to an identity crisis.
Then, I fell in love. I was 36 and had just become a licensed foster parent. My focus was on motherhood on my own terms. But after my friends set me up with a cute guy in our friend group, I knew pretty much immediately that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
I decided to go on a solo bachelorette to think more about all the fears and questions I had. I spent several days at Civana Wellness Resort & Spa, located right outside of Scottsdale, Arizona. The trip ended up changing my views on marriage entirely.
Solo travel is a rising trend, especially among women. A survey conducted by tourism marketing firm Future Partners found that nearly 40% of female travelers want to take a solo trip in 2025. Jen Trazer, the founder of female solo travel planning company The Soloist, says women often come to her during a big life transition, such as after getting engaged, divorced or when changing careers. “Solo travel is more than just a vacation. It’s an introspective experience,” she says.
Trazer says that taking a solo trip by yourself before your wedding (aka a solo bachelorette) isn’t mainstream yet, but she says it’s becoming more popular, and both experts say there is a lot to gain from taking one.
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4 Lessons I Learned on My Solo Bachelorette
Below are four lessons I learned during my stay that completely transformed my views of marriage and gave me peace before entering my own.
It was easy for me to visualize the marriage I wanted because it reflected the relationship I was currently in. But it served as a reminder that I can take actionable steps to be the wife I want to be. I closed my eyes and visualized myself as a wife. The type of clothes I would wear and the ways my partner and I would support each other. Those are things I can actually do—or in many cases, continue doing.
2. Be Intentional About the Home You Create
Feng shui is an ancient Chinese practice focusing on arranging physical spaces to achieve harmony and balance. In my feng shui for relationships class, I learned how to create a home where love can flourish. “Your home acts as a vision board for your life,” the teacher told the class.
One of the tips was to add touches that feel romantic to your love area, like candles, photos of you as a couple and flowers. This made sense to me: It’s easier to feel romantic in a romantic setting than it is in one that’s sterile or encourages a different type of mood. She also shared that having photos of anyone outside of your life as a couple was a no-no for the bedroom. “It’s pretty hard to get into a sexy mood if there’s a photo of your mom on your nightstand,” she shared. Point taken.
During my watsu massage, I had to trust my masseuse completely as he gently dragged my body through the water while my head rested on his shoulder and my limbs floated on the surface.
This was definitely one of the more out-there wellness activities I’d ever done, but it taught me the power of surrender and going with the flow. As someone who likes to be in charge, it was helpful for me to remember to let go and trust—which is important in relationships too.
4. Believe in Something Bigger Than Yourself
My life path number is nine. “Nine represents completion—it is the end of the 1-9 number cycle—and it also represents the belief that all things are possible,” the teacher told the class. I calculated my partner’s life path number, and his turned out to be a nine as well. Another coincidence is that the year we are getting married (2025) is also a nine.
For her to say that to me, not knowing the baggage I brought on my solo bachelorette, meant a lot to me. Also, when we calculated the number for my wedding day, it was a two—a number that symbolizes partnership!
I left the Arizona desert with so much hope and excitement for my wedding day. Armed with the belief that my partner and I were meant to be together and that I could actively create the marriage I wanted, I felt so empowered. It completely erased the fears or doubts I started my trip with.
Feeling inspired and want to go on your own solo bachelorette? Sydney Getzin, a travel advisor with FORA Travel, recommends starting with a mood board, either done on Pinterest or old-school with magazine photos. She says to think about what type of environment you want to be in and what activities you want to do. Do you want it to be super active or chill?
Both Tenzer and Duffy say that wellness-focused destinations or resorts are great places for introspection and typically offer interesting classes to take. “All-inclusive hotels tend to have packages that include food, spa treatments and various classes, so those are great options to look into,” Tenzer says, adding that one she recommends is Marival Resorts. Duffy says that some destinations—like Costa Rica, Bali or Thailand—naturally encourage introspection and self-care. “They’re the perfect backdrop for spa treatments and spiritual practices,” she says.
No matter where you go, all the travel experts emphasize that a solo bachelorette is a reminder that you are still an independent person, even though you are about to enter into a partnership. And Tenzer points out that it doesn’t have to be your last solo trip either. After all, you’re never done learning about yourself.
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Sources
Jen Trazer, founder of female solo travel planning company The SoloistBrittany Duffy, travel expert at Go Ahead ToursSydney Getzin, travel advisor with FORA Travel Read More Details
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