All three psychologists we spoke with brought up a variation of this phrase."Apologizing, especially for something simple like having a need or opinion, can reinforce feelings of unworthiness or fear of taking up space," Dr. Saidi explains. "Instead, try 'Excuse me' or 'Thank you for your patience.'"Related: Could You Be a Victim of 'Self-Gaslighting'? 5 Signs of the Subtle Form of Self-Sabotage and How To Stop, According to Experts
2. "I’m just…"
Psychologists aren't fans of this phrase, which women often recite out of habit."This is survival language to avoid vulnerability or confrontation," Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. "She’s not fine, but saying she isn’t might open a door she’s been punished for walking through. She lies to protect herself and teaches others to ignore her pain."Related: 8 Phrases To Replace Saying 'It's OK' When It's Really Not OK, According to Psychologists
4. "I’m probably overreacting, but..."
Remember: Emotions are human."Labeling yourself as 'too sensitive' can teach you to distrust your emotional signals rather than accept them with compassion," Dr. Saidi points out. "For example, instead of saying 'I’m too sensitive,' you can say, 'That felt upsetting, I want to understand why.'"
6. "It’s not a big deal."
We're not going to lie: It's time to say bye-bye-bye to this phrase, which undermines everything you say next."Labeling your idea or feeling as crazy creates shame and discourages any deeper conversation," Dr. Saidi says.She adds that phrases like "This might sound bold" or "This might sound unexpected" are more powerful.Related: 7 Signs You're Thriving in Your 50s—Even if It Doesn't Feel Like It
8. "I could be wrong, but…"
Wait, didn't you know that everyone is an expert in everything these days? But jokes aside: "Stop saying this," Dr. Zackson begs women. "It's an unnecessary self-inflicted wound. Your voice is valid."
10. "If that makes sense."
Dr. Zackson really wants you to know that "this undermines your contribution before you’ve even said something."Nix the disclaimer—hopefully, the person on the receiving end of your knowledge drops will just politely let you know if they already knew (and thank you if you enlightened them).
12. "I don’t want to be a burden."
You and other women don't always have to DIY."She says this because asking for help has made her feel weak or exposed," Dr. Hafeez says. "She’s been rewarded for independence and punished for need."Related: 7 Phrases To Ask for Support, According to a Therapist
14. "Whatever you think/want."
It depends on the situation, but Dr. Hafeez says this one has toxic uses in heterosexual romantic partnerships. Primarily, she doesn't believe women should use it to make excuses for carrying the emotional labor, forgiving a man for making the same mistake and offering second (third, fourth and fifth) chances."Good intentions don’t cancel out patterns of neglect," she emphasizes. "Doing better matters more than meaning well."Related: 10 Things Confident People Always Do in a Conversation
3 Phrases Women Should Start Using, Psychologists Reveal
1. "This is important."
This phrase is one you'll likely need to repeat to yourself if you are a people pleaser, which many women have been conditioned to be. "This one is great because it affirms agency, encourages setting boundaries—which some women may struggle with—and promotes assertiveness," Dr. Saidi raves. "It reminds women that they do not have to choose between being kind and respecting themselves."Related: 9 Phrases To Use Instead of Automatically Saying Yes, According to Psychologists
3. "I said what I said."
Related: 10 Phrases To Replace Saying 'Sorry' as a Reflex, According to a Therapist
Sources:
Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a psychologist with ThriveworksDr. Judith Zackson, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical director of Greenwich Psychology GroupDr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind Read More Details
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