It’s hard to have a sensible discussion about dating preferences and height, especially online, because it makes a certain type of man so incredibly angry. Inevitably it results in men using anonymous accounts to call for weight filters for women in reciprocation. And while I abhor the discourse which pits women against men and vilifies women for having dating preferences, I do think we probably need to acknowledge that the current socially accepted wisdom around dating and height is teetering on toxic.
I understand that data is more valuable than anecdote, so while putting this study together was a perfectly worthwhile endeavour, I can’t help feeling that the people in white coats who did this research might have slightly wasted their time. Because if there’s one universally known truth about men on dating apps, it’s that being on the shorter side is a massive disadvantage.
Amongst my friendship groups we’ve dated some of the worst men on Earth. Ugly, irresponsible, feckless, incapable of fidelity, lazy, emotionally dependent on their mothers – the list of things wrong with the men we’ve dated could take up my entire word count. But all of those failings were apparently permissible. The one thing that the women I know seem unable to forgive is the comparatively minor issue of height.
And the easiest way to feel small, whatever size you are, is to stand next to someone bigger. I don’t think women gravitate towards big men because of some evil plot to force them to provide or protect us. I think it’s as simple as worrying about feeling or worse: looking big. Take for example, the fact that actress-singer Zendaya being two inches taller than her boyfriend, the actor Tom Holland, has spawned constant commentary from media outlets every time they step out together.
Back a couple of years ago, when I was dating so much I could have entered some kind of drinks-at-the-pub Olympics, I was an equal opportunity employer when it came to height. I’d known enough men who proved the old clichés about smaller men trying harder, and having better personalities, so I had no preference.
square REBECCA REID Like Kylie Jenner, my sex life suffers when my boyfriend's team loses
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I’m not in the business of telling women that they should settle for less. But (and I promise the short-man lobby hasn’t paid me to say this) dating shorter men isn’t settling for less, apart from in the literal, vertical sense. It’s simply opening your eyes to something different. If you’re having a miserable time on the dating apps then being even more prescriptive and specific isn’t going to make your life any easier.
When yet another friend is broken-hearted by a gym-going, six-foot-three tech bro, I do find myself gently asking if she’s considered broadening her horizons and going out with someone who is less able to reach the top shelf – but who might also be less generally awful.
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