What a rose-tinted fool I was. I should add that this was over a decade ago. We were in our early thirties and most of us could only dream of the funds to splurge on separate bathrooms.
Michelle Obama has also said publicly that separate bathrooms are the key to a successful marriage, while Joan Collins and Melania Trump have shared similar sentiments, though I’m sure that whatever the Trumps’ deal is, no-one really expects Melania to share a home or a bed with Donald, much less a toilet.
Without Wiener’s budget, I have secured a fairly successful bathroom divorce of my own. It’s certainly saved my mornings, and smoothed over so many grumpy moments in my decade of marriage. If I’d known how liberating it would feel, I’d have included it in my (fictional) pre-nup.
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Most people cite the obvious malodorous behaviour as the reason for their bathroom break-up, but mine is less to do with unsettled stomachs than starting the day right.
When we extended our three-bed semi to add a loft bedroom with an en suite, intended for guests, I hadn’t expected to appropriate it for myself. It wasn’t used much for the first year or so and felt like a slightly redundant luxury.
Indoor plumbing was an afterthought in my Edwardian property but second bathrooms are now extremely desirable. The English Housing Survey found that 22 per cent of homes had a second bathroom in 2009, with 41 per cent having a second toilet.
The two-sink design that Wiener installed is nothing new, but it came from large homes designed for modern comforts and hotel bathrooms, not the narrow period homes or cramped new builds so many people have in the UK. What’s more, it demands you buy double the goods: two sinks, sets of taps, mirrors, lights etc. You might as well save your money for a second bathroom.
My husband isn’t messy, he just can’t help himself from drilling me with logistical enquiries while I’m still in the zone between sleep and my morning shower. If it was up to him, we’d share everything. Probably even a – gag – toothbrush. But he must see the benefits of our bathroom divorce as he now, extremely generously, cleans my bathroom for me.
Our entente cordiale will be tested in the next few years when my daughter asks to move out of her little-girl room and into the loft, taking over my bathroom sanctuary.
For now, I’m keeping it to myself, though I will admit one small guest: my dog follows me to the bathroom and waits by the door. Thankfully, she is the most gentle of morning companions, and has never asked for clean pants or a second breakfast before I’ve brushed my teeth.
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