The issue with this one is that it hinges on external validation (which you don't control. Also, ironically, if and when you achieve "the thing," you may still find you're unhappy. "When happiness is always contingent on the 'next thing,' it becomes elusive. This mindset can lead to chronic dissatisfaction, where even significant milestones fail to deliver satisfaction," says Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a psychologist with Duality Psychological Services.
Dr. Kain says this one is a continuation of No. 2. "If I believe I’m the only one who has done or thought something, I am certainly not going to volunteer this information to you," Dr. Kain explains. "Instead, I will keep it private. Clients who tell themselves this lie, often wonder why their relationships don’t go anywhere."However, he says healthy and intimate relationships demand that we share our authentic selves. "Being unable to do that is a huge obstacle, though not an irreparable one, as sharing all the parts of ourselves—the ones we like and the ones we don’t—can be learned," he continues.Related: 11 Common Behaviors of Authentic People—and One Thing They *Never* Do, According to Therapists
4. "I don't deserve love or happiness."
Social media makes it easier than ever to fall into the trap of believing you're behind. Remember, many Instagram reels are of the highlight variety."In reality, most people are dealing with their own insecurities and challenges—they just don’t broadcast them," points out Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "Comparing your worst moments to someone else’s curated content is a surefire way to feel inadequate. Instead, focusing on your own progress and seeking support from others can help shift this mindset."6. "What I’m going through can’t compare…so I shouldn’t feel..."
Sometimes, pain can feel that way, can't it? Dr. Kain empathizes, yet he invites his clients who feel this way to step back and notice evidence to the contrary."If I asked them if they’ve ever felt this way before, they can typically recall a previous incident," he explains. "If I ask them how long it lasted, they can usually tell me when it ended. If I ask them why this time it will be different, they often can’t provide an answer, because there is no reason to believe it won’t stop, except for the lie running through their head. The danger in this lie is that it prevents us from planning for a more optimistic future—something related to mental health."8. "I should be grateful."
Dr. Kain argues this statement is one of the most harmful lies of all."One of our most basic needs throughout our life is to be understood," he says. "When we lie and tell ourselves no one will understand us, we prevent ourselves from receiving one of the things we need most. Understanding and being understood are the foundation of empathy and connection with others."Without understanding, Dr. Kain notes that people feel existential isolation and can develop depression and anxiety.Related: People Who Were 'Constantly Excluded' in Childhood Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say10. "If I ignore it, it will go away."
Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks, notes that this one is an example of a broader myth we buy into about how we view ourselves vs. others."Because we are privy to our internal thoughts and feelings, we often cut ourselves more slack than we cut others and see our own actions in a more positive light," she says. "This prevents us from accurately seeing ourselves and more fully seeing the multitude of layers of complexity of others, which can lead us to be less empathic to others and be closed off when someone shares their perspective of how we came across because what they say does not jive with how we view ourselves."12. "I'm doing everything I can."
13. "I’m too old/it’s too late."
"Believing that it’s too late to change careers, pursue a passion or improve relationships keeps people stuck in fear," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.Good news: It's usually not too late. "The truth is, people start new paths at all ages, and the only real limitation is the belief that you can’t," he stresses, suggesting a mindset shift from "It's too late" to "Why not now?"
Is It Ever OK To Lie to Yourself?
Potentially unpopular opinion: Not all lies we tell ourselves are bad."Yes, it is OK to lie to ourselves," Dr. Kain says. "Our minds are very powerful, and just as we can believe negative thoughts and lie about ourselves, we can also believe narratives about ourselves that may not be true at present but are ones we want to see come into fruition in the future."For example, he says "fake-it-'till-you-make-it" has its place. Exhibit A: Taylor Swift's The Eras Tour.Potential exhibit B: You nailing a dream job interview."If we have an interview we are nervous about, telling ourselves 'I’ve got this job' even though it’s not true yet, can help us be confident and secure, two qualities that may very well get us the position," Dr. Kain says.Dr. Smith agrees that lying to yourself is OK sometimes. However, she argues that it depends on the lie, how involved it is and its impact."If the lie is small, inconsequential, and does not have an ongoing impact, then I contend it can be OK," Dr. Smith says. "If it is major, has an impact and relates to something ongoing, that’s when it is problematic."For instance, telling yourself you weren't just snubbed by a random person at a grocery store likely won't do harm. However, lying that you're not inflicting physical or emotional harm on someone or telling yourself a loved one who is about to die is going to live another 10 years probably will.
Related: 11 Phrases To Use Instead of Automatically Agreeing With Someone—When You Actually Disagree
Expert Sources:
George Washington and the Cherry Tree. National Park Service. Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a psychologist with Duality Psychological ServicesDr. Craig Kain, Ph.D., a licensed psychologistDr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorDr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( 13 Lies People Tell Themselves That Do More Harm Than Good, Psychologists Warn )
Also on site :