It’s time to ban birthday candles – no, really ...Middle East

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Researchers from the University of Birmingham and the University of Manchester found that particles produced by burning candles can impair brain function, even after a very modest period of exposure.

Now this is all very well, but when I have an open fire smouldering away in the sitting room, it is probably fair to say that a briefly-lit, 2in candle (or even 46 of them) on a cake in the kitchen is the least of my worries.

I've refused to celebrate my birthday since I was 13 (but I will accept cash gifts)

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Nevertheless, I think I’m going to follow the science on this one – although not because I am actually too concerned about being in close proximity to a lit wick for a moment or two. Instead, I’m going to heed the researchers’ warning for the rather more selfish reason that I find the candle on cake tradition very irritating.

Do I feel differently when it’s someone else’s birthday? I do not. True, my teenage daughter still beams when we dim the lights and appear with her candlelit gateau. But even she recognises that when the flames are extinguished and the annual wish for a pony has been made (sorry, poppet, never going to happen), the cake looks rather less glorious thanks to being covered in a row of holes where once there were candle holders.

My lush harmony line does not make it better, apparently. Whereas many children like elaborate cake creations, with fondant-crafted toppings, my son likes an old-fashioned Victoria sponge. Candles are merely a distraction from the main event. He is a wise child.

And if there are not exactly the right number of candles on their cake, there will be hell to pay – even if 50 waxy flames on a smallish lemon drizzle present a fire hazard of much greater severity than merely a smidge of air pollution.

I’m not suggesting there isn’t a place for some extra decoration to make your birthday cake special. Some piped icing perhaps, or a couple of fondant flowers to mark the occasion – anything that is pretty, edible and won’t create smoke. As for candles though, let’s snuff them out for good.

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